Listening To: Nothing : Coz It’s L8

You know, one of these days I swear my luck is going to run out. Then I shall be well and truly farkt ! Had another date tonight, with a rather fetching (yes … ‘fetching’ … not ‘felching’ … dirty minded readers that you are) young lass of Serbian extraction.

Vaguely optimistic about the ‘outcome’ (i.e. the potential for a second date), but of course you can never tell with these things so best not to get ones hopes up. She didn’t ask me any awkward questions, unlike the model, and she didn’t take me to a sex-shop or confess to still smoking pot, unlike the recruitment / graphic design Asian girl. So it’s all good.

We met up @ Roxy Parramatta, apparently someone’s birthday ‘do’. This chick smokes and drinks almost as much as I do, which again is ‘all good’. Kind of hard to connect with someone who leads a ‘pristine existence’ really, innit ?

Had a vodka or 7, then did the drive home, which of course is where the whole ‘luck’ angle comes in again. Got RBT’d on Windsor road, just before the turn off to where my Maths tutor used to live. I KNEW I shoulda taken Old Northern Road !

Anyhoo, the scary little wog-man in blue got me to do the usual “count to ten please sir” … only this time after checking his life-destruction device he tells me “right well I’ve got a reading here, so I need you to blow into this tube in the usual way, so I can confirm if you’re over the limit or not”

Well sod me, if I’m not shitting myself again, innit ?

So I blow inta the tube for 3 seconds like he tells me to. Bacon-bits then tells me to take the tube – I try to pull the fekking thing off soberly, but it ends up flying off suddenly and ricocheting off the roof of the car before hitting me in the shoulder. “Shit bro, d’ya reckon he can tell I’m a bit trashed ?” I think to myself. He checks his readout, umms and arrrs for a bit, then goes back behind my car to consult with his fellow pork by-products.

Dammit bro, this suspense is killing me ! Just get it ooover with !

Finally he comes back “How far have you got to drive sir ?” “Just to Castle Hill” “Ok, well you’re borderline. So I’d drive very carefully if I were you.” “Will do. Thankyou.”

Relief once again washes over me, as I drive away trying not to speed, but not to crawl either. In my rear-view I see wog-trooper start up his car and follow me for a while, but eventually he overtakes me and disappears into the night.

I really, really have to stop frikkin doin this shit !