Listening To: Wipeout 2027 Soundtrack : Various Artists

In the style of Boris from The Wogboy, I must admit dear fans – “I am so munted, fŨcking !” It’s Monday, five or so hours to go at work, and I must admit it’s one of those times I well and truly wish I had access to some nice methamphetamines. Y’see, I don’t really want to take speed for the same reason as other people i.e. to “party”. I want speed to enable me to do that which most people take for granted, namely to stay awake and alert, and fully functioning.

Oh, to be able to wake up in the morning, rub a little bit of goey on my gums and have enough energy to get through a full day without feeling like I’m going to collapse in my work cubicle at any moment from sheer weakness / sleepiness. I won’t do it of course … have been without chemicals far too many years to foolishly go back to them now. But it’s a lovely fantasy to get me through the day nonetheless …

Why am I so delirously tired today, I hear you ask ? Why do my kidneys hurt, my eyes burn, and my back ache like a troopful of boyscouts has tied multiple knots at the base of my spine ? Is it just the usual Monday-itis, or is it something more ? Let me give you a quick run-down of the damage from the last week …, and you can decide ….

Monday Night: The calm before the storm. Had a healthy night of drinking no alcohol, jogging, doing my weights, and eating ceasar salad. A good start to the week, right ?

Tuesday Night: Drinks @ St.Leonards Tavern & The Commodore. 4 or 5 schooners of foaming, golden, Carlton goodness, and about 3 Vodka’n'Cokes. Went to have a $5 meal at the Tav, had a beer and decided to come back out after dropping the car off home. Played some pool with the usual geezers, decided to have a drink or two at the Commodore (hence the vodkas later in the night) and possibly check out Greenwood, but ended up nixing on Greenwood and going home instead.

Wednesday Night: Trivia @ PJ O’Gallaghers. A pint + a schooner of heavy, followed by 3 or 4 V’n'Cs. A mid-week breather, although more than I usually imbibe at triv …

Thursday Night: Post-interview drinks @ CBD Hotel, then Establishment. 6 or 7 beers, no spirits. Had a job interview @ Merrivale group (FYI those bastards I met at CBD the other night lied to me kids … you CAN’T buy shares in Merrivale), and since I was in the city already in my second-sharpest suit, I thought I’d have a few bevvies @ some of the venues they own in honor of the occassion. Thank fŨck I didn’t run into my boss again at Establishment like I have been lately !

Thank fark2 that the North Shore blonde yuppie type (she probably works in PR or something equally edifying) who looked a bit like my old boss Kate and who kept trying to catch my eye across the other side of the bar didn’t come over and try talk to me ! I don’t usually get that (or at least notice … apparently according to other people I *do* on occasion get women ‘checking me out’ when we’re out, I’m just oblivious to it most of the time), although it seems to have been going on more of late … must be the whole fact I’m *not* single & *not* interested anymore, so suddenly the universe is throwing my way what I was seeking during my long dark winter of recent singledom.

It can get pretty damned annoying if they don’t get the hint “… oh … yeah I’m good. Missing my girlfriend who’s in Spain … how are you ?”, and I really wasn’t in the mood. Horny – for sure. But horny for my girlfriend, and not some frikkin PR layered-foil North Shore barbie ! So yes, thankgod Establishment has a biiig, wiiiide bar island in the middle which I was able to keep between myself and the Kate-clone !

Friday Night: Visiting friends at Collaroy, then out @ Neotokyo. Half a bottle of vodka, followed by two V’n'C’s @ Club 77. After having drinks with K, his wife and a friend of theirs from overseas at their place, I was missing IG and just wanted to go home. After getting home though I was compelled to check my mail (hadn’t been able to reach IG for a few days), and realised Neotokyo (which I’d wanted to check out) wasn’t on Saturday as I’d originally thought, but was on Friday instead.

So at almost 1 a.m I decided to head back out, into the city. Bad idea, coz Neotokyo was absolutely shit ! There’s a reason I don’t go to goth clubs much anymore – and half of that reason is because places like Neotokyo don’t even play stuff I’d classify as goth or more than very vaguely industrial ! If you’re going to play dance music, at least play something decent. This was just rubbish, and the DJ was an utter fŨcking tool, complete with the kind of ‘crowd inspiring’ hand signals you would see at a ‘Happy Hardcore’ rave circa ’98-99. In a word – tragic !

Saturday Night: Clubbing @ Slip-Inn. 5 or 6 Absinthe & Recharge, 6 or so shots of Schnapps. Got home on Saturday night after picking up my Evo from Intermusic, and I’d already decided I wanted to go to Slip-Inn. The trouble was, I was already seriously crashing. Stomach cramps & nausea, yawning like someone who’s pulled an all-nighter doing a uni essay, unable to even contemplate going across the road to KFC, let alone out clubbing.

Determined to have a good time though, and fearing tiredness, I’d arrived prepared … I’d picked up some Sprite Recharge (I fŨcking looooove that stuff … forget Red Bull, Recharge is the shit my brothers and sistas !) at the supermarket on my way home. With a system crash imminent, and given I usually have my absinthe with regular Sprite anyway, I decided to experiment. Let me tell you kids … you ever need a pick-me-up, try 70% Absinthe and Recharge ! Vodka & Red Bull …. pschaw, thats for soft-cocks ! Absinthe & Recharge … that on the other hand is akin to liquid speed !

Now seriously fired up after my drinks, and slightly bouncing off the walls, I got a cab into the city. Got into Slipp-Inn without a hitch. Laundry was open, Cave still closed at that point, seeing as it was before midnight, and Sandbar was playing crap as usual. So I got myself a shot in Laundry, danced down there for a while, went up to Sandbar. Got another shot, got pigeon-holed by the stairs by a Filipina chica who asked me if I had any cigarettes. Got into talking for a bit, then she asks me if I have a girlfriend. Uh-oh, here we go. “Yeah, she’s in Spain at the moment. Really missing her” (hint hint hint). The chica seems to get the hint too, thank fŨck ! Body language subtely changes, and in another few minutes she tells me to have a good night, and walks off to stalk for other victims. Phew !

Go downstairs again, more dancing in Laundry. Cave finally opens, so I go in there and right from the get-go the set is awesome. My adrenalin is pumping … I’m on a definite high ! After about an hour and a half of shaking my booty like a madman, stopping only a handful of times for air, I go out into the little passageway / under-stairs bit connecting Cave, Laundry & Sandbar for a quick breather. Sitting down on one of the benches near the wall, I’m having a res when this dark-haired chick sits down next to me. Mascara is on a bit too thick, she’s wearing a tight black t-shirt and a denim skirt, a studded dog collar and red three-stripe Addidas.

On the whole – “not too shabby lookin” I grudgingly think to myself. Naturally, we get to talking. Eventually, surprise, surprise … she asks me if I have a girlfriend. I drop the hint … yes, she’s in Spain. Except it doesn’t seem to work with this one … body language is still too friendly, and she actually slides up a bit closer to me on the bench. F*ck ! So when she asks me “say, do you want to head somewhere else ? I’m gettin a bit too tired to dance, but I’m up for a few more drinks. There’s a really funky little pub near my place …”, I’m almost expecting it. “Ummm …. no thanks … I’m having a good time here … and I really miss my girlfriend … so I wouldn’t want to do anything like that. But thanks, really.”

The next bit really floors me though. She’s says something along the lines of “Hey, dude … chill out … yeah I like you, and if you play your cards right I might just fŨck you. But I don’t need a puppy-dog, and tommorrows a whole new day, bubbaloo. So don’t worry about your girlfriend. Besides, what she don’t know can’t hurt her, right ?”. F*cking what ? Did I hear that right ? If I had a drink right now, I’d choke on it ! “Is that right ? You know what ? F*ck you ! Talk to the hand, bitch, coz I don’t like your attitude !” And with that, I’m up and outta there before this chick even has a chance to react ! I storm outside the club, and I’m actually shaking ! Angry … really angry … “fŨcking ho” I’m thinking to myself.

I go up the street a bit and sit in the driveway opposite Bristol Arms, shaking imperceptibly and trying to get myself together. See her coming out after a bit, looking round. She spots me and starts walking in my direction. Sheeeit ! So I get up as well and walk back towards the club. When I reach her she starts trying to talk at me “Hey dude … sorry … I didn’t mean …” but I tell her to “piss off” and keep walking and don’t look back. Get back inside the club, go into Cave again. Order a shot, down it, and hope the bitch hasn’t followed me ! Luckily I guess she didn’t … I danced some more, had another shot or two and eventually lost myself in the beat again, ending my night on a high despite all the earlier aggro. Got a taxi home eventually, and all but passed out on my bed.

Sunday Day/Night: Flatmates Birthday, Beer @ St.Leonards Tavern. 1 cup of Cherry Liquer & Coke, 2 Schooners of Amber Fault Detector. Feeling completely shit for most of day, barely able to keep food down, I drank softdrink throughout most of my flatmate’s birthday party except for a cup of the aforementioned Cherry Liquer that was all but forced on me. Pissed off from that about 6:30-ish to see what was showing at movies. Nothing interesting, so I went back to St.Leonards to grab a $5 meal at the pub. Had soft-drink with that as well, could only manage to eat half of it.

Then my mate Dave (who I’ve known since uni, lost touch with for a few years, then ran into one day at MY pub) comes over to my table … thought I wouldn’t see him again, as he’s just moved to Bathurst to do some building work down there for the next 2 years. Apparently though his house in Sydney was broken into, so he’s back here temporarily to sort that out. We chat for a bit, before he heads back over to play some pool with Jason, the drunken builder who used to come into the pub with his dad, but now comes in alone (although I’ve seen his old man in there on occassion too). So I get myself a beer and join them. Dave beats Jase (who is paralytic), and I beat Dave. Get myself another beer, then Jase proceeds to demolish me in a truly stunning display of pool for a man who is comprehensively maggotted. Cue exit, Disappearing Boy.

And that’s pretty much my week. Can you see now why I’m feeling a bit tired and in need of serious sleep, and possibly a new liver ? ;) Gaaawd … I really need to have a bit of a quiet week this week !