Listening To: Anarchy : Busta Rhymes

Well hi, hi, HI THERE groovers ! Today for your amusement and edification, I thought I’d give y’all a bit of a peek at my web statistics and exactly what kind of other visitors you’re sharing this (hyper)space with. That’s right fans, I’m gonna give you a quick rundown of some of the keywords people have used to find my humble blog over the last two months using search engines like google & yahoo. Looking through it, I’m almost tempted to make my site MORE smutty rather than less so – coz it looks like that would be the only thing to appeal to many of my transient google surfers ;P Apart from yourselves (refined, intelligent, sexy … all in all, top blokes and sheilas … naturally), the majority of my visitors seem to fall into a number of categories :

Sexual Deviants

Popular Search Phrases:
bucket’o'meat
Illsa, She-Wolf of the SS
lost aussie pussy
perlovka prague
pictures of my girlfriend
pissin girls arse
swedish backpackers pickup sex melbourne

Obviously the highest class of surfer a webmaster can hope to attract to their site. Some of these searches make sense. The Illsa video (a so-bad-its-good uber-cheesy S&M flick one of my uni friends purported to own) provides inspiration for one of the titles in ’101 Chicks to Avoid’ for example. Ditto ‘Perlovka’ – the infamous street in Prague where all the Russian and Estonian hookers hangout, mentioned coincidentally in a post on investing in pubs as the place where my unfortunate grandparents live. But ‘swedish backpackers pickup sex melbourne’ ? How the hell THAT leads someone to my site, I’m just not sure !

As for ‘lost aussie pussy’ … I think someone at google just doesn’t like me, waddaya reckon ? ;P

Wannabe StarfŨckers

Popular Search Phrases:
bella and evan – pink salt
celebrity shags
deiter brummer
houses at summer bay
paris hilton sex video with mark phillipousis
shannen doherty rick soloman

Actually I’m surprised I don’t get more of these people, given the ‘Top 10 Celebrity Shags’ post :) I get a hell of a lot of Deiter Brummer groupie wannabes visiting though .. gotta love the irony ! I was gonna be Shane on H&A, Brummer you git … but I guess I’m having the last laugh ;P Bella and Evan from My Restaurant Rules are pretty popular too, for some reason. I dunno guys … I’d do her, but I’m not so sure I’d do him. Finally – sorry to disappoint anyone who wants a ‘paris hilton sex video with mark phillipousis’ … but I don’t have any of those. Got a Paris & Rick Soloman … but that’s mine. Go buy your own copy from your local smut-merchant … we don’t sell porn here !

The Drunk & The Drug-Phukt

Popular Search Phrases:
5 cougars thanks
big ass wines
methamphetamines & foil
slipp inn sydney merrivale
sprite recharge
sprite recharge bus stop

You gotta feel sorry for the poor bastard who just wants instructions on how to cook up his dexies, and comes across my shit instead hehe

Muriel’s Wedding Fans

Popular Search Phrases:
chatswood venues to purchase muriel’s wedding video
muriel’s wedding leather pants
muriel’s wedding wav terrible

These ones are a little weird. Granted, some people like Toni Collette, and Muriel’s Wedding WAS an allright movie … but ‘muriel’s wedding leather pants’ ? I’m not entirely sure whether that shouldn’t correctly be filed under ‘Sexual Deviants’ …

Horror Movie Fans

Popular Search Phrases:
brad dourif child’s play wav
village of the damned

Now these really ARE my kind of readers ! Horror fans, and in the first case, probably musos too (since they’re looking for Child’s Play SAMPLES). Please stay !

Just Plain Weird

Popular Search Phrases:
alistair crowley wicca novel
bikey circles
giving people brand names
mavridis blog some
paintball bungers
wes boone

OK people … who the fŨck is Wes Boone ? Own up Wes … you’re running a self-promotion campaign on the web, using The Rest of Your Life as some kind of perverted fame-building tool, aren’t you ? How the hell else can you explain the fact I get at least one hit a week looking for you on my site, and I don’t know who the hell you are, or where I’ve mentioned you ?

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Now all of the above are pretty good, but of course there has to be one search phrase which outshines all the rest … one weird and wacky surfer who stumbled upon my site thanks to the magic of google, and no doubt thought to him/herself “what the ?” Little did this person realise, I’m sure, is that thanks to the power of webstats you and I can now look at their search phrase and also think to ourselves “What The ?”

My Favourite Search Phrase

a t-shirt with a log of chucky from ‘childs play’ the movie

For those readers not up with their yankee slang, a ‘log’ is another name for a big, chunky, steaming piece of faecal matter ! So there you have it fans … I can now officially say, asides from discerning readers like yourselves, my weblog also appeals to Sexual Deviants, Wannabe StarfŨckers, The Drunk & Drug-Phukt, Muriel’s Wedding Fans, Horror Fans, General Weirdos , Friends of Wes Boone, AND PEOPLE LOOKING FOR T-SHIRTS OF CHUCKY FROM CHILD’S PLAY HANGING A GREAT, BIG, STEAMING SHIT !!!

Don’t you feel in stellar company ? ;)