Listening To: WWIII : KMFDM

Current Horn Factor :

Horn Factor = Oh Gooood ! Kill me now ... my testicles are about to explode !

Allright gang, so I admit the posts this week have been pretty ‘dark’. In an attempt to lighten the mood somewhat for this luvverly Friday (IG gets back tommorrow morning ‘n I get to speak to her tonight … yaaaaay !) I’m going to steal a meme from Mark and enlighten you all with an insight into exactly what some of the influences on DB’s horn-factor scale are …

10 Things that Turn DB On

1. Intelligence.

This doesn’t necessarily mean having a uni degree, although I used to think it did. Street-smarts, the ability to string together coherent sentences, the capacity to think beyond the day-to-day mundanities of job, car & what’s playing on tele tonight; all of these are big turn-ons. Also, she HAS to be a reader. Sorry Victoria Beckham, but I guess this means you and I were never meant to be.

2. Beauty.

Any man who claims good looks aren’t in his Top 10 list of turn-ons is a liar. Not that looks by themselves cut it, but a woman who (a) looks good (b) takes care of her looks and (c) isn’t afraid to make the most of what she’s got – that kind of woman definitely has sexiness-potential !

3. Fashion Sense

A thorough indoctrination in feminist epistemologies meant that for years after graduating I used to vehemently deny the horn-influence a “less is more” attitude can play, whilst secretly wishing my partners would bare more flesh to the world ! I wouldn’t make that mistake anymore – but luckily for moi, IG is not averse to wearing the odd backless top or short skirt on occassion so I’m more than happy ! I’m also a fan of the ‘corporate’ look … and this too, as luck would have it, my fiancé carries off extremely well.

4. Sexy shoes.

Forget women who only ever wear ‘comfortable’, ‘sensible’ and ‘practical’ shoes ! I don’t need that shit in my life. Sure – this probably means I have a mild foot-fetish, but then so do a hell of a lot of guys ! What’s wrong with finding a sexy pair of heels or platforms, red nailpolish and a toe-ring on a shapely pair of peds attractive ? Exactly – absolutely nothing !

5. Positivity.

I don’t mean being happy all the time. People who are happy all the time are fûcking idiots and/or on Prozac. However, any woman who can maintain a positive attitude for the majority of the time and get through the down times without giving in too much to the drama-queen instinct is damned sexy.

6. Life Direction.

Got a job ? Got life-goals, and at least some idea of how you want to get there ? Got a work ethic, without being a total workaholic ? Good … if not, talk to the hand …

7. Good taste in music.

She doesn’t have to like all the same bands as me – in fact difference is encouraged, because it means we can build up eachothers mutual record collections. However, if she’s not into music at all or I can’t stand anything she plays on the car stereo – then Huston, we have a problem …

8. Sense of Fun & Spontanaity.

. . . because it’s damn sexy to be with someone who will say “fuckit, let’s go to the beach !” on Saturday morning when you were expecting to spend the day doing laundry instead ! Sure; a sense of responsibility and purpose is definitely important too, but balancing it with a certain devil-may-care sensibility is essential for tipping the horn-factor towards the higher end of the scale.

9. Creativity.

Think outside the square, have a creative streak in you, and I’ll be bound to try grope you if all the other factors come together ;P

10. Self Confidence.

I’m not talking about being so smug and up yourself that you put Real Estate agents to shame. However, a certain level of self-assurance is assuredly beguiling. As long as you’re comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are without being a pratt, you can indeed be a bit of ‘all that’.

11. Sense of Humour.

OK … so I cheated … it’s eleven things. However, I think possesing a certain level of wit and the ability to not take yourself or life too seriously are also imperative for rockin’ my world. Grumpy bums – sorry, but you don’t do it for me. If you can find my mildy amusing, mostly self deprecating, cynical shit funny .. that’s a big bonus too !

10 Things that Turn DB Off

1. Racism & Xenophobia.

Especially if taken to extremes.

2. Ignorance.

Coz dumb is NOT sexy, and bimbos don’t get MY motor running.

3. Emotional Instability.

Supporting your partner when they need it is one thing. Being a perrenial emotional crutch is quiet another. Get some therapy, and stay the fǔck out of my way.

4. Infidelity.

Coz if you want “the package”, you can’t have your cake and eat it too ! I believe in being faithful to my partner, and I expect nothing less in return.

5. Liberal voters.

… because I definitely don’t need that shit in my life either !

6. Negativity.

Been there, done that. As Denis Leary says “Hey … life sucks … get a fǘcking helmet !”

7. Rampant drug abuse.

I agree with Mark on this one. Drinking is fine … but anything else when you get past your late teens / early twenties – nah screw that, I’m over passing the dutchy on the left-hand side.

8. Laziness.

Think Vesna from BB05. Not sexy, not sexy at all !

9. Excessive body fat.

Sorry, but I ain’t a chubby-chaser and never shall be …

10. Anal Sex / Golden Showers / Scat / Fisting / Object Insertions

“Oh shit, is it that late already ? I’m sorry baby … I gotta go … I’ve got an early start in the morning. Yeah … look … don’t call me, OK ? Like I mean … don’t call me EVER !”

Thas it y’all – have a great weekend, won’t you :)