Mmm-ok gang, it’s time to talk about the ‘plot twists’ revealed in the first two eps of BB ‘07.

First off, we should remember that this year, as every previous one, the producers and the network have teased us with promises of ‘earth shattering’ and ‘ground-breaking’ twists to the basic BB experience, and the way the game is played. Essentially, what Chris Noble and cohorts promise to deliver every year is ‘originality’ in one form or another. Unfortunately, they’ve more or less failed to live up to said promise pretty much every year since the first one or two series, which is reflected in the ever declining audience share the show draws year from year (opening night this year had the lowest rating figures of any Australian BB series debut to date), and the decreasing numbers of auditionees (as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, the Sydney audition venue at Moore Park for BB ‘07 was all but dead by about half past one in the arvo on the second day, in stark contrast to the frenzied camping out and massive line-ups of years previous).

So the question must ergo be, “is this any different in 2007 ?”. Judging by the first two shows, sadly the answer is “no, not really”. Let’s go through each of the ‘elaborate’ twists in turn, shall we ?

(1) No Prize Money:

This has been forshadowed over several seasons with the fines system, especially last year when the fines looked to be reducing the $1 million prize pool considerably. It has also been the topic of much off-season speculation on the various forums and fansites for at least the last 6 months, so unless you’ve been living under a rock this really should NOT have come as a surprise to you. Even the HM’s didn’t look too shocked when BB told them the news about this one, and the only person who seemed miffed by it was Kate (now why is THAT not surprising, either ?). Incidentally, the ‘no prize money’ angle is just that - an angle - and it’s almost a dead cert the producers will allow HM’s to ‘earn’ money through competing in FNG, and other ’special tasks’. Series sponsors like Starburst and Visa are also likely to continue the tradition of giving evicted HM’s little ‘going away’ cash-presents. It’s all a crock, basically.

(2) The ‘White’ Room:

In the past, the Australian BB producers have usually resorted to ‘lifting’ ideas from the UK and US versions of the show (and of course the whole concept of the show itself originated in the Netherlands). The ‘lie detector’ novelty of last year was lifted from BB UK, ’secret twins’ originally appeared in BB USA (or maybe UK … not 100% sure), and so on. They’ve also not been averse to poaching stuff from other reality shows - so for example, Miriam (the trans-gender star of There’s Something About Miriam) was a ’special guest’ HM on BB ‘04, in a scenario similar to the program s/he had originally starred in i.e. the BB housemates had to pick her ‘true’ birth-gender. So it is with ‘The White Room’. This is basically adapted from a US reality show named “Solitary”, in which contestants had to endure extended confinement in a similarly austere room, complete with a big, red button in the middle of the floor for them to push when things all got ‘too much’. Word is still out on whether BB producers will make the ‘potential’ HM’s in their ‘White Room’ endure lying on a bed of nails, as some of the Solitary contestants had to :)

(3) The Housemate ‘Vote-In’:

You know, the most interesting thing about the BBBO pre-opening-night ‘hack’ is that it shows both Zoran and Susannah amongst the ‘official’ HM listings. Which raises very disturbing questions about the subsequent phone-in vote to ’select’ which two additional HM’s would be going into the ‘main’ house, and which would be relegated to the aforementioned ‘White Room’. Not that this is the first time BB producers have been accused of ‘rigging’ the voting process. Still, it shows that even when it comes to the ‘crucial’ decisions in which BB fans are supposed to have a ‘choice’, there are really no surprises. Gretel said it herself on the second night “we’re not surprised” - of course, if the votes for this really were rigged, it was a little inside joke on her part, which most of us weren’t supposed to understand.

Mind you, just for the record - I’m glad Susannah & Zoran got ‘in’, regardless of how they were selected. They both seem normal - Susannah especially struck me as ‘down to earth’ whilst was chatting to Gretle, and it’s great to have someone in the house whose first ’sound-bite’ is “just because I’m 30 doesn’t mean I’m dead”. Yeah, yeah, she’s buying into the whole youth-obsessed culture, I shouldn’t ‘admire’ her for a comment like that. You know what ? Screw you ;-)

(4) The Secret Couple:

Given that BB had ’secretly’ connected low-eys last year thanks to the excerable Forscutt duo of Karen & Krystal, it was a ‘given’ that we’d have another ’secret’ pairing this year. IG and I have often mooted the possibility in years past of suggesting to BB producers they have us in as a ’secret couple’ when throwing about the idea of auditioning, and I’m sure even WE weren’t original in coming up with that one - it’s bound to have been done in the UK or USA before. Given that the ’secret couple’ of last year were mother & daughter, and BB 05 gave us ’secret twins’ (the ‘Logans’), I think it was fairly inevitable this year would produce our first ’secret’ romantic pairing. “Ho-hum” again, in other words.

(5) Mister-X:

You know, this would almost be original - if it hadn’t been done before :-) To paraphrase Ridge from Celebchaos “I told readers here recently that I predicted that he’ll be an ex-lover of a current HM and I explained why I thought this was so (the ‘X’ promo gave it away - it’s an idea from BB U.S.)”. I’ll get to the ethics of it in a second, but the point is, as with all the other ‘twists’ revealed thus far, the producers have yet again failed to give us anything TRULY ‘original’ or ‘ground-breaking’.

OK - so now we’ve discussed the ‘blandness’ of the BB07 twists in terms of originality, let’s move onto some of the ‘ethical’ implications presented by twist (5) i.e. ‘Mister-X’. Some would argue that anyone who agrees to participate in a show such as Big Brother has no right to expect any measure of ‘privacy’ or ‘ethical treatment’ from the producers. Personally I disagree; as I’ve stated elsewhere (such as some of my BB05 posts regarding the ‘leaking’ of Gianna Pattison’s personal contact details due to lax editing of one of the daily show episodes by Endemol), I believe there’s still a ‘line’ the producers shouldn’t cross, regardless of the need to make ‘good’ or ‘exciting’ television, and regardless of the HM’s participation in the program.

The ‘Mister-X’ twist skates dangerously close to this line, and it only remains to be seen whether it shall in fact cross it. As those of us who saw last night’s show now know, Mister-X is indeed the ex-partner of one of this year’s ‘main’ HM’s. To be exact, his name is Billy, and he’s the ex-boyfriend of Hayley, the latter not-coincidentaly being the female half of this year’s ’secret’ romantic couple (Andrew being the male half).

Both the BB producers, and Gretel, would like us to believe that Billy’s inclusion in the show is purely to ‘create pressure’ on Hayley and Andrew, and force them to reveal their ’secret’ relationship to the other HM’s, thus making them fail in their allotted task of avoiding discovery. Ostensibly, he isn’t going in to “break them up”, as Gretel was quick to remind not just Billy himself, but the viewers once again, after he’d been loaded on the obligatory golf-cart. Unfortunately for this pre-emptive PR exercise (”look … we TOLD everyone he wasn’t supposed to go in and break them up, how we were to know it would lead to that ?” will be the quip), I don’t think Billy really stuck to the script, did he gang ?

To be completely honest, the smiles he kept flashing ‘Big G’ and the audience looked … in a word … slightly “demented”. To elaborate a little further - chatting to Gretel, Billy came across looking like a jealous, conceited, and slightly obsessed fuckwad, who dated some girl for a mere 3 months (by his own admission), then took off on a round-the-world back-packing trip, before literally JUMPING at the chance to come back at the drop of a hat to put the boot in to said girl, and her current relationship.

Bitter, much ?

You don’t have to be a trained psychologist to see that breaking Andrew & Hayley up is PRECISELY what this guy wants to, irrespective of anything the producers may have told him. Anyone but a complete half-wit could have surmised that after two minutes of his little introductory chat with Gretel. Yet supposedly, Endemol have one of those (i.e. a trained head-shrinker) on staff to assess all the potential HM’s, and any psychological ‘damage’ their participation in the program may inflict on them, and the other HM’s. How this person (not sure if it’s still Carmel Whats-Her-Name, or if they’ve replaced the resident psych this year) could have agreed to Billy being allowed in the house with such a blatantly hostile agenda, I have no idea.

The most likely scenario I can suggest, is that the producers over-ruled any objections their staff psychologist had to Billy’s participation, in the interests of creating some ‘good’ story-arcs, and injecting ‘tension’ in the program. Unfortunately, this would seem to indicate they simply don’t care enough about the long-term psychological welfare of the HM’s, and even less about their ‘real world’ relationships. Certainly not when it comes to Hayley & Andrew.

Think about it gang - let’s say you and YOUR significant other decided to go on Big Brother, and under-take the challenge which Hayley and Andrew have set themselves. It would be hard enough trying to hide your relationship from the other people in the house, dealing with the inevitable paranoia about your partner’s relationships with all the good looking strangers you’re spending 24/7 with, being unable to sort out any misunderstandings you could normally nip in the bud in the outside world (e.g. Andrew’s ‘censored’ comment on the first night, which resulted in Hayley and Thomas leaving the group conversation), and so on.

Now, imagine the BB producers fly in some frikkin non-entity fling from your past, that you haven’t even bothered telling your partner about - not necessarily because the ‘fling’ wasn’t a hot one, but because you figured this ex wasn’t important in the ‘big picture’, you didn’t want to hurt your current partner’s feelings, and you thought this person was well and truly out of your life (and you’d made your peace with that). What do you do ? What old emotional scars will this re-open, and what new ones will it inflict on you, your current partner, and your current relationship ?

At ‘best’. and contrary to what Gretel and BB would have you believe, I can foresee Billy destroying Hayley and Andrew’s one year relationship, with no lasting emotional damage for anyone involved. At worst, this has the potential to get really ugly, with insults, lots of tears, and even physical violence. Either way, for my money it doesn’t make for ‘good’ TV, and if the latter scenario eventuates, the BB producers have definitely ‘crossed the line’ in contributing to the circumstances which allowed it to occur.

That’s my view, and I’m Derryn Hinch ;-)