The Rest of Your Life (v4)

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A big thanks to “The Theorist” from BBBA for posting the link to the above … sums up the whole series this year I reckon Check out the look on Cruz’s face (standing in back row, [your] left in the closeup), after Bodie has thrown the chicken – *CLASSIC* ! As much as I loathed him on the show, he redeemed himself somewhat in my eyes by pegging that chicken …

[UPDATE 6/08/07]
Unfortunately, it looks like SSE/C10 have made Youtube take the clip off. Ah well, such is life …

If it hasn’t become obvious yet, I must admit BB07 apathy is quickly starting to set in for me. Lisa & I were both ecstatic when Emma was evicted (and not particularly upset by Rebecca’s eviction either, though for my money her ‘weirdness’, though annoying, gave the show SOME ‘colour’), but have barely watched the show since. It’s that whole ‘real life intruding’ factor, I suppose.

Wasn’t really surprised that Laura got the arse on Sunday night … although as I said I’ve missed basically a week of daily shows, plus FNL (Jamie won … most annoyed at myself for missing THAT) and last week’s Noms, it was pretty clear from various snippets on forums, some snatches of Up Late when channel surfing, and her previous weeks in the house, that the ‘original’ HM’s were all getting fairly sick of Laura, as was the general BB fan-base.

Her post-eviction chat with Gretel was fairly ‘uneventful’, although it did reveal that she was perhaps more ‘self-aware’ than her behaviour in the house may have led us to believe. I also have to say that, whatever her other faults may have been, she gets full marks from me for ‘standing up’ to the HM collective at various points during her stay, especially during her last week in the compound (which I obviously wasn’t aware of, until they showed the ‘highlights package’ during the evictio show). You go, girlfriend !

The latest ‘twist’ from the BB producers is a good one, much like the multiple-noms which saw the ultimate demise of Ice-Queen Emma and Freaky-Mormon Rebecca … and may just get me back to watching BB, at least for this week. I’m talking about the ‘all-boys Noms’ which BB announced as a wrap-up to last night’s eviction show.

Yay ! What this means is that only the male HM’s can be nominated for eviction this week … and what THAT means (hopefully), is that Andrew & Billie will be up for eviction after Jamie exercises his twist. Although I was a HUGE Andrew fan at the start of the series, his behaviour since his girlfriend Hayley’s departure, especially the altogether too-strategic buddying-up with Bodie/Emma’s ‘cool kids’/Hitler-Jugend faction, have left a sour taste in my mouth. The final straw for me was Andrew’s ‘twist’ a few weeks ago which resulted in Sussanah’s eviction – although there’s a small ‘payoff’ to this for those of us outside the house (Sussanah appeared predictably in the last week’s Zoo mag … only the second time I’ve bought that otherwise shitful publication), I would much rather have seen her stay in the house for longer – even taking the show out, truth be known.

So yeah, you know where my ‘evict’ votes will be going this week peeps, assuming tonight’s Noms show plays out according to plan – VOTE TO EVICT ANDREW & BILLIE – let’s toss out the remains of the ‘secret couple’ !

Remember Gaelan Walker from BB06 ?

Now compare to Emma Cornell from this year’s series –

Uncanny resemblance, or what ? We definitely have a paper-bagger here, gents. Although she’d snap anyway, once you got a decent rhythm going with the old in-out

It’s that time of week again – BB Noms. Now it’s become pretty obvious over the course of evictions (Kate, TJ & Bodie, Demet) that Ghastly Gretel, the FNL/Up-Late gang of Mikie Goldman & cohorts, and of course the BB production team (Chris Noble and pals) have a definite agenda, and a preference for faves they want to see stay in the house. I know Gretle has always laid it on pretty thick at the best of times, but she’s been particularly overdoing the simpering admiration for the evictees this year, and thereby the implication that somehow WE, the voting public, are voting ‘wrong’ by removing all the annoying fucking twats from the house. It’s also become pretty clear over the course of the last 4 weeks whom the production team DON’T want to see staying in the BB house, and therefore ultimately winning the prize. Hayley & Andrew (‘Haydrew’) to be exact.

Demet’s eviction, coupled with her win of FNL last week, and thereby the power of the nominations ‘twist’ however, has presented the Endemol crew with an unprecedented opportunity to manipulate the nominations process this time ‘twould seem. Before Demet left the house last night, she was instructed to write out a list (much like Australia’s actual ballot system employed during State & Federal elections) of her fellow HM’s in preferential order both to “save” and “nominate” for purposes of the ‘twist’.

Ostensibly, we the viewing public were told, this list would remain ‘confidential’ and ‘unopened’ until after the HM nominations finished tonight. This assertion is cleary utter bullshit ! Naturally, Demet’s voting was fairly predictable anyway – we all knew she would save Emma, and put either Hayley or Andrew in the former’s place. Now in normal circumstances, without a ‘double eviction’, there was no way the production team could get BOTH Andrew and Hayley out at the same time, even with this highly predictable ‘ballot’ from Demet. So what did (ig)Noble & Co. decide to do ?

(1) Obviously peeked at Demet’s ‘twist’ ballot, just to make sure they would indeed have the opportunity to carry out step 2 of their devious plan below.

(2) Called Hayley & Andrew in to the diary room at the start of the Nom’s night, and (for no good reason at all – it was a fucking GIVEN that they would have an “advantage” going into the house as a couple right from the start, yet BB had no qualms accepting this initially and taking them into the house. We also DIDN’T see the producers trying to pull this kind of fucked up stunt with EITHER the Logan twins in 2005, NOR the completely excerable Krystal and Karen mother/daughter duo last year !!! ), decreed that one of them must leave the house this week. Giving them the (bullshit) chance to ‘choose’ which one would go and which one would stay (with 30 seconds thinking time).

It was of course immaterial which one the couple elected – either way, the producers would have spun Demet’s ballot (much like they spin the non-adding-up percentages of the “vote & evict” totals on eviction nights) with their usual lack of transparency to make sure the other partner in the couple ended up on the public eviction chopping block.

THIS IS SUCH FUCKING CRAP !

We are being royally screwed with, all so the producers, Gretel and everyone else at Endemol can have their little ‘favourites’ get closer to the prize. But you know what people ? It’s OUR house, and OUR decision – as Gretel keeps trying to bang into our heads – we need to vote for the house you want to watch™, so you all KNOW what we need to do, right ?

Vote to SAVE ANDREW – the ‘geeks’ ain’t goin without a fight !!! 😉

This post is just to give you a quickie recap of last night’s nomination show. Given the turmoil in the BB house over the last two days following TJ & Bodie’s eviction on Sunday night, you’d have thought Andrew & Hayley would feature heavily in the Noms. Whether the other HM’s realise that Andrew’s nomination ‘twist’ power would effectively render any nomination of the ‘power couple’ useless and were nominating strategically with this fact in mind, or whether there was in fact some other strategy at play (with BB ominously warning them before Noms began “BB is always watching, and has detected groups of HM’s [Bodie’s ‘A-Team’ no doubt] attempting to collude on nominations, and communicate in code. This must stop NOW”), either way ‘Drew and Hayley escaped the noms process with only a passing mention, which was something of a surprise.

Instead, Emma, Thomas and Zoran ended up being the ‘original’ nominees, with Andrew exercising his ‘twist’ to remove Thomas from this list, and substitute Demet (rather deservingly, I thought) in his place. Bodie & TJ naturally joined Ghastly Gretel on stage to add their two cents worth to proceedings during the night, with the former showing once again just how frikkin clueless (and not up with ‘current events’) he is, by choosing to refer to ‘his’ original ‘A-Team’ crew as “The Bandidos”.

Hellllooo … dickwad … big news story … the ACTUAL Bandidos motorcycle gang held a funeral in Greystanes yesterday arvo for one of their members, watched closely by some 300 members of the police, riot squad and tactical response group. You gotta hope one of them doesn’t decide to smash your pretty-boy underwear model face in Bodie boy, when you’re doing an appearance with TJ at the Collector Tavern in Parra hehehe

So anyway, my hot eviction tip this week is Demet. From some of the daily show and up late footage we’ve seen, especially the stuff from Sunday night’s all-in post-eviction housemate rumble, it’s obvious she’s a two-faced, conniving biatch. Let’s vote to kick her out, and build the house you want to watch™

So, how are things going in the Big Brother house ?

Well if you haven’t been watching lately, for one thing BB has now revealed the ‘secret couple’ (Andrew & Hayley) to the other HM’s, along with ‘Mr.X’ (Billy). I have to say, I’m really happy for the former pair – not only did they successfully manage to keep their relationship secret for the nominated time period, therefore securing both their places in the house, but it also appears (at least at this stage), that the necessary ‘deception’ required to achieve this task hasn’t ‘rubbed’ the other HM’s ‘the wrong way’, and no one appears to bear them any ill-will in the aftermath of BB’s revelation.

On the contrary – the majority of the other HM’s laughed and cheered when the relationship was revealed to them, and only Kate (no surprises there), Joel (not sure what the story is with him), and Rebecca (again, no surprise, since both her faith and personality imply she’s not big on deception as a general rule) showed any apparent ‘discomfort’ in the initial minutes after the true ‘state of play’ was revealed. Even Thomas, who had been flirting with Hayley extensively during the first week in the house, appeared to be experiencing no discomfort from the revelation – but then, he’s struck me as a genuinly “nice” and “mature” guy from the get-go.

‘T would also seem I may have been wrong about Billy. He’s still got a creepy smile, but it would appear from the footage shown during the ‘BB Full House’ special, and his interactions with both Andrew + Hayley, that he honestly doesn’t bear them any malice. Possibly the fact that his sexual identity is now “gay” (something which he briefly mentioned during the ‘reveal’ night, but I don’t think has been discussed since) had something to do with it – obviously given this fact, he’s not going to want to get back in relationship with Hayley Thankfully, Billy’s status as Hayley’s ex also doesn’t seem to have created any apparent traumas for Andrew.

With their relationship revealed, it’s obvious the two love-birds have felt a big weight lifted, and it’s been great to see them finally able to enjoy each other’s company, and be open in their mutual affection. “I’m so going to marry you” was a great line from Hayley which summed up the night.

OK, the next bit of BB news is the first lot of eviction nominations. Kate, Bodie & Emma were the original HM’s put up on the chopping block by the others. Then Emma exercised her ‘twist’, and wisely removed herself from the eviction pool, substituting poor Jamie instead. Unlike previous years, the ‘twist’ doesn’t work on a points system anymore, instead allowing the HM with the twist’s ‘powers’ to directly name their choices for both ‘saving’ and ‘damning’ purposes. Therefore, the ultimate choices we have for eviction this week are amongst Kate, Bodie & Jamie.

Unsurprisingly, my vote to evict goes to Kate. She is annoying as f*ck, and this week’s tearful ‘admissions’ of insecurity aside (for feck’s sake people, isn’t it blatantly obvious she’s trying to carefully orchestrate a ‘public sympathy’ vote to save herself ?), her head is so far up her own arse, she’s like a big, fat, Bavarian pretzel ! Sure, as some people have pointed out, she creates ‘conflict’ in the house … but the BB house will inevitably have conflict with or without her (it’s engineered that way – extended 24/7 confinement with strangers in a close environment will ALWAYS generate clashes), and keeping this whining twat of a woman in the house simply for the sake of generating tension is simply too high a price to pay ! I don’t have any time or patience to listen to her crap, ergo her presence in the house simply makes me want to watch less Big Brother (in fact, I haven’t been bothering with most of the daily shows). So for sod’s sake people, PLEASE VOTE TO EVICT KATE, AND SAVE US ALL FROM THE PAIN !!!

Failing that, vote to evict Bodie, because he’s a conceited, Gen-Y, bogan – a perfect example of the kind of thing that makes us Gen-X’ers write off the majority of ‘fekking 20-somethings’ and their teenage siblings as lost causes. Whatever you do though gang, DON’T EVICT JAMIE !!! Granted, it would appear he’s said some stupid, sexist things to the girls this week (obviously the result of too much ‘net porn, and not enough social interraction with women outside in the ‘real world’), but I think with the right advice from some of the older HM’s like Thomas or Sussana, this can be quickly remedied. Also – we need a geek in the house, to offset the ‘plastic fantastic’ Hitler-Jugend brigade for as long as possible

The final BB news this week was the evacutation of the ‘White Room’, and the eventual triumph of Demet as the ‘wildcard’ chosen to go into the house. The ‘official’ HM’s voted on whom they would like to see joining them, after the White Room crew competed in a series of FNL-like challenges. My only comment on that is “good on ya Demet”, and it will be interesting to see if there is any conflict between Rebecca and Demet given their respective religious backgrounds.

Thas it for the BB update !

Mmm-ok gang, it’s time to talk about the ‘plot twists’ revealed in the first two eps of BB ’07.

First off, we should remember that this year, as every previous one, the producers and the network have teased us with promises of ‘earth shattering’ and ‘ground-breaking’ twists to the basic BB experience, and the way the game is played. Essentially, what Chris Noble and cohorts promise to deliver every year is ‘originality’ in one form or another. Unfortunately, they’ve more or less failed to live up to said promise pretty much every year since the first one or two series, which is reflected in the ever declining audience share the show draws year from year (opening night this year had the lowest rating figures of any Australian BB series debut to date), and the decreasing numbers of auditionees (as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, the Sydney audition venue at Moore Park for BB ’07 was all but dead by about half past one in the arvo on the second day, in stark contrast to the frenzied camping out and massive line-ups of years previous).

So the question must ergo be, “is this any different in 2007 ?”. Judging by the first two shows, sadly the answer is “no, not really”. Let’s go through each of the ‘elaborate’ twists in turn, shall we ?

(1) No Prize Money:

This has been forshadowed over several seasons with the fines system, especially last year when the fines looked to be reducing the $1 million prize pool considerably. It has also been the topic of much off-season speculation on the various forums and fansites for at least the last 6 months, so unless you’ve been living under a rock this really should NOT have come as a surprise to you. Even the HM’s didn’t look too shocked when BB told them the news about this one, and the only person who seemed miffed by it was Kate (now why is THAT not surprising, either ?). Incidentally, the ‘no prize money’ angle is just that – an angle – and it’s almost a dead cert the producers will allow HM’s to ‘earn’ money through competing in FNG, and other ‘special tasks’. Series sponsors like Starburst and Visa are also likely to continue the tradition of giving evicted HM’s little ‘going away’ cash-presents. It’s all a crock, basically.

(2) The ‘White’ Room:

In the past, the Australian BB producers have usually resorted to ‘lifting’ ideas from the UK and US versions of the show (and of course the whole concept of the show itself originated in the Netherlands). The ‘lie detector’ novelty of last year was lifted from BB UK, ‘secret twins’ originally appeared in BB USA (or maybe UK … not 100% sure), and so on. They’ve also not been averse to poaching stuff from other reality shows – so for example, Miriam (the trans-gender star of There’s Something About Miriam) was a ‘special guest’ HM on BB ’04, in a scenario similar to the program s/he had originally starred in i.e. the BB housemates had to pick her ‘true’ birth-gender. So it is with ‘The White Room’. This is basically adapted from a US reality show named “Solitary”, in which contestants had to endure extended confinement in a similarly austere room, complete with a big, red button in the middle of the floor for them to push when things all got ‘too much’. Word is still out on whether BB producers will make the ‘potential’ HM’s in their ‘White Room’ endure lying on a bed of nails, as some of the Solitary contestants had to

(3) The Housemate ‘Vote-In’:

You know, the most interesting thing about the BBBO pre-opening-night ‘hack’ is that it shows both Zoran and Susannah amongst the ‘official’ HM listings. Which raises very disturbing questions about the subsequent phone-in vote to ‘select’ which two additional HM’s would be going into the ‘main’ house, and which would be relegated to the aforementioned ‘White Room’. Not that this is the first time BB producers have been accused of ‘rigging’ the voting process. Still, it shows that even when it comes to the ‘crucial’ decisions in which BB fans are supposed to have a ‘choice’, there are really no surprises. Gretel said it herself on the second night “we’re not surprised” – of course, if the votes for this really were rigged, it was a little inside joke on her part, which most of us weren’t supposed to understand.

Mind you, just for the record – I’m glad Susannah & Zoran got ‘in’, regardless of how they were selected. They both seem normal – Susannah especially struck me as ‘down to earth’ whilst was chatting to Gretle, and it’s great to have someone in the house whose first ‘sound-bite’ is “just because I’m 30 doesn’t mean I’m dead”. Yeah, yeah, she’s buying into the whole youth-obsessed culture, I shouldn’t ‘admire’ her for a comment like that. You know what ? Screw you 😉

(4) The Secret Couple:

Given that BB had ‘secretly’ connected low-eys last year thanks to the excerable Forscutt duo of Karen & Krystal, it was a ‘given’ that we’d have another ‘secret’ pairing this year. IG and I have often mooted the possibility in years past of suggesting to BB producers they have us in as a ‘secret couple’ when throwing about the idea of auditioning, and I’m sure even WE weren’t original in coming up with that one – it’s bound to have been done in the UK or USA before. Given that the ‘secret couple’ of last year were mother & daughter, and BB 05 gave us ‘secret twins’ (the ‘Logans’), I think it was fairly inevitable this year would produce our first ‘secret’ romantic pairing. “Ho-hum” again, in other words.

(5) Mister-X:

You know, this would almost be original – if it hadn’t been done before To paraphrase Ridge from Celebchaos “I told readers here recently that I predicted that he’ll be an ex-lover of a current HM and I explained why I thought this was so (the ‘X’ promo gave it away – it’s an idea from BB U.S.)”. I’ll get to the ethics of it in a second, but the point is, as with all the other ‘twists’ revealed thus far, the producers have yet again failed to give us anything TRULY ‘original’ or ‘ground-breaking’.

OK – so now we’ve discussed the ‘blandness’ of the BB07 twists in terms of originality, let’s move onto some of the ‘ethical’ implications presented by twist (5) i.e. ‘Mister-X’. Some would argue that anyone who agrees to participate in a show such as Big Brother has no right to expect any measure of ‘privacy’ or ‘ethical treatment’ from the producers. Personally I disagree; as I’ve stated elsewhere (such as some of my BB05 posts regarding the ‘leaking’ of Gianna Pattison’s personal contact details due to lax editing of one of the daily show episodes by Endemol), I believe there’s still a ‘line’ the producers shouldn’t cross, regardless of the need to make ‘good’ or ‘exciting’ television, and regardless of the HM’s participation in the program.

The ‘Mister-X’ twist skates dangerously close to this line, and it only remains to be seen whether it shall in fact cross it. As those of us who saw last night’s show now know, Mister-X is indeed the ex-partner of one of this year’s ‘main’ HM’s. To be exact, his name is Billy, and he’s the ex-boyfriend of Hayley, the latter not-coincidentaly being the female half of this year’s ‘secret’ romantic couple (Andrew being the male half).

Both the BB producers, and Gretel, would like us to believe that Billy’s inclusion in the show is purely to ‘create pressure’ on Hayley and Andrew, and force them to reveal their ‘secret’ relationship to the other HM’s, thus making them fail in their allotted task of avoiding discovery. Ostensibly, he isn’t going in to “break them up”, as Gretel was quick to remind not just Billy himself, but the viewers once again, after he’d been loaded on the obligatory golf-cart. Unfortunately for this pre-emptive PR exercise (“look … we TOLD everyone he wasn’t supposed to go in and break them up, how we were to know it would lead to that ?” will be the quip), I don’t think Billy really stuck to the script, did he gang ?

To be completely honest, the smiles he kept flashing ‘Big G’ and the audience looked … in a word … slightly “demented”. To elaborate a little further – chatting to Gretel, Billy came across looking like a jealous, conceited, and slightly obsessed fuckwad, who dated some girl for a mere 3 months (by his own admission), then took off on a round-the-world back-packing trip, before literally JUMPING at the chance to come back at the drop of a hat to put the boot in to said girl, and her current relationship.

Bitter, much ?

You don’t have to be a trained psychologist to see that breaking Andrew & Hayley up is PRECISELY what this guy wants to, irrespective of anything the producers may have told him. Anyone but a complete half-wit could have surmised that after two minutes of his little introductory chat with Gretel. Yet supposedly, Endemol have one of those (i.e. a trained head-shrinker) on staff to assess all the potential HM’s, and any psychological ‘damage’ their participation in the program may inflict on them, and the other HM’s. How this person (not sure if it’s still Carmel Whats-Her-Name, or if they’ve replaced the resident psych this year) could have agreed to Billy being allowed in the house with such a blatantly hostile agenda, I have no idea.

The most likely scenario I can suggest, is that the producers over-ruled any objections their staff psychologist had to Billy’s participation, in the interests of creating some ‘good’ story-arcs, and injecting ‘tension’ in the program. Unfortunately, this would seem to indicate they simply don’t care enough about the long-term psychological welfare of the HM’s, and even less about their ‘real world’ relationships. Certainly not when it comes to Hayley & Andrew.

Think about it gang – let’s say you and YOUR significant other decided to go on Big Brother, and under-take the challenge which Hayley and Andrew have set themselves. It would be hard enough trying to hide your relationship from the other people in the house, dealing with the inevitable paranoia about your partner’s relationships with all the good looking strangers you’re spending 24/7 with, being unable to sort out any misunderstandings you could normally nip in the bud in the outside world (e.g. Andrew’s ‘censored’ comment on the first night, which resulted in Hayley and Thomas leaving the group conversation), and so on.

Now, imagine the BB producers fly in some frikkin non-entity fling from your past, that you haven’t even bothered telling your partner about – not necessarily because the ‘fling’ wasn’t a hot one, but because you figured this ex wasn’t important in the ‘big picture’, you didn’t want to hurt your current partner’s feelings, and you thought this person was well and truly out of your life (and you’d made your peace with that). What do you do ? What old emotional scars will this re-open, and what new ones will it inflict on you, your current partner, and your current relationship ?

At ‘best’. and contrary to what Gretel and BB would have you believe, I can foresee Billy destroying Hayley and Andrew’s one year relationship, with no lasting emotional damage for anyone involved. At worst, this has the potential to get really ugly, with insults, lots of tears, and even physical violence. Either way, for my money it doesn’t make for ‘good’ TV, and if the latter scenario eventuates, the BB producers have definitely ‘crossed the line’ in contributing to the circumstances which allowed it to occur.

That’s my view, and I’m Derryn Hinch 😉

So it begins – another season of Australian Big Brother is finally upon us. As usual, Channel 10 and the Endemol producers have been promising the usual loads of ‘earth-shattering’ surprises in the promos leading up to this year. Unfortunately, if opening night is anything to go by, this year’s effort appears to be in real danger of quickly becoming as unwatchable (at least for my money) as last year, and the ‘surprises’ revealed so far are decidely of the ho-hum variety.

Let’s begin with a round-up of the housemates, in the order they were introduced.

(1) Hayley – The Lawyer / Female Bodybuilder (Blonde)

Supposedly 24 years old, although I’m seeing some bags under the eyes in the portrait on the official BB website profile linked above. Jeez guys, hasn’t anyone heard of Photoshop ? 😉 Her bio clip (also linked at the official site) also seems confirm my feeling she’s about 5 – 8 years older than she claims. Should this matter ? Only in so far as someone who is going to be dishonest about their age to look more ‘appealing’ to viewers, is not like to play the 100% honesty card when it comes to other things as well. Reminds me a little bit of Angela Aiken from BB05 – the annoying-as-f*ck dating agency owner who was also obviously lying about her age, and turned out to be a prize cow and a half indeed ! Granted, the latter’s ‘age-deception’ was far more obvious to anyone but a total cretin, whereas with Hayley it isn’t so blatant, and she didn’t come across as a totally conceited cow in her bio vid. Guess we’ll have to see which way the wind blows with this one, eh ?

(2) TJ – The Bar Chick (Brunette)

I have to confess I actually missed the first 15 or so minutes of the show because the wife and I were … umm … otherwise occupied … so I didn’t see TJ’s intro as broadcast (nor Hayley’s above). Going off the bio package linked on the BB official site however, she strikes me as being a fairly normal and ‘down to earth’ 22 year old lass. Which would make her a bit of an exception to most of the rest of this year’s crop, and BB housemates in general. I have a feeling she’s quickly going to become my favourite female HM if these first impressions are confirmed, especially as she’s the ‘token’ brunette in the otherwise wall-to-wall ‘Hitler Youth Poster-Child’ lineup we have dominating proceedings this year.

(3) Rebecca – Life Be In It Coach / Mormon (Blonde)

Time to appeal to the Family First / Hillsong demographic. Claims she’s never drunk alcohol, or worn a bikini. For my money, this means she’s going to be boring-as-batshit. Who else cringed when she started trying to instigate lame-arse ‘get to know you’ games later in the show ? I’ve been to Life Be In It camps, I did ‘peer support’ at high school; I know what your game is, Beccles 😉 On the plus side, there’s the potential for some minor conflict here when she invetibly succumbs to the temptation to lecture the other HM’s on their ‘debauched’ lifestyle choices (watered down no doubt, thanks to the furor from last year’s drunken antics, and the resultant axing of BB Uncut). We may even witness a complete melt-down, if she herself ‘succumbs’ to the ‘perils’ of alcohol and communal spa-usage, although her being a hardcore fundie makes such a ‘corruption’ unlikely.

(4) Kate – Lawyer / Token Overweight Girl (Bottle Blonde)

Oh look, it’s a 25 year old (bottle) blonde, slightly thinner version of Chrissie Swan from BB ’03. She is going to annoy the piss out of me, I can tell already ! At least Chrissie had a measure of humility. Kate on the other hand, both with her video profile, the outfit she wore on the night, and her first interactions with the other HM’s, strikes me as one of those ‘porkie princesses’ you see strutting around suburban shopping centres, fat-rolls hanging out over their too-tight Glue-store jeans or Supre leggings, thinking they are ‘hot shit’. Chrissie (the aforementioned BB03 archetype this HM is derived from) may have been a few sizes bigger, but if it came down to a choice, any normal guy would still choose the former over the latter. No wonder Kate claims her perfect relationship is to be “single”. It’s a desperate rationalisation, one which we’ll doubtless see thrown to the wind the first second she perceives any of the blokes in the house are drunk enough to be even remotely interested in her. Ugh !

(5) Emma – Fitness Instructor (Blonde)

F*ck me, am I having flashbacks to living in Sweden again, or were all these people grown on The Island or something ? Depending on which media outlet / gossip board / other ‘news’ source you follow, this 24 year old bird is a former model, our first trans-gendered HM (which I doubt … but then again, Miriam from Something About Miriam, the reality show with a twist from a few years back, was actually a pretty convincing woman apart from the voice, so anything is possible I guess), or simply obligatory ‘eye candy’ for the male viewers. In a word – plastic. Basically, it’s a recycled version of Mel Smerdon, from BB ’05.

(6) Aleisha – Hairdresser / Token Country Chick (Blonde)

*Yawn !* They’ve gone for a bit of a combo with this one. There’s the ‘zany country gal’ angle (Jess Hardy, BB ’02), the ‘fun loving youngster/baby spice’ angle (Christie Mills, BB ’05) – at 20, Aleisha is the youngest of the ‘confirmed’ HM’s, and the obligatory hairdresser base covered as well (coz there’s invariably one in every series, give or take). Has potential to be really … forgettable !

(7) Jamie – The Karaoke Host / ‘Nerd’ (Brunette)

The first of the boys, and doubtless a HM that’s going to become close to my own heart. He sings karaoke, has gone on countless internet dates, and exclaimed unashamedly that he’s doing this “for all the nerds out there” At 29, he’s also older than most of the other HM’s, and the show’s core demographic. All of which means he’s in real danger of being voted out early on, unfortunately. Although we can’t underestimate the Tim Brunero effect (BB ’05 again) – but Tim did have the union rank-and-file on his side thanks to his pre-BB writing gig, which no doubt played a big part in helping him become a runner up (in addition to his own natural charm – don’t get me wrong, I luuurved the old Timmie, as previous posts here will attest). If anyone redeems this years bunch of HM’s, I have a feeling it’s Jamie. Paradoxically, I don’t think he would have got in during previous years – underscoring my earlier post about the poor turn-outs for auditions for this series.

(8) Bodie – The Male Model / Sparkie (Strawberry Blonde ?)

Another genetically modified, good-looking, vat grown freak 😉 It’s basically a better looking version of shearer (Glen Dallinger) from BB ’05 again, mixed with a dash of Vince Amato (BB ’03). Are we seeing a recurring theme yet, gang ? Likely to be a sexist, self absorbed, attention seeking, bore, as evidenced by both his appearance on the show thus far, and his bio video package. The guy that all the female viewers are going to love to hate, he’s going to leave them all conflicted because he’s like “sooo hawt”, but “such a prick”. You heard it here first 😉

I’ll sum up the remaining HM’s later – it’s time to go home now and grab some groceries on the way, before watching the next ep. I think we’re seeing a pattern already though when it comes to HM selection this year, aren’t we ? With a few exceptions, I think the theme this year is “recycle, preferrably in vat-grown Ubermensch form if we can”. *sigh*

—— Updated ——–

OK – the round up of the rest of Opening Night & The HM’s :

(9) Andrew – The Fireman (Brunette)

Another anglo. He’s 28, hails from Bondi (if the online reports are to believed). First impressions are – generally inoffensive, in a vaguely bland, good-looking way. An older version of Logan-Greg from BB05 ?

(10) Joel – The Token ‘Wog’ / Young Liberal (Brunette)

The only obviously non-caucasian HM choice of the ‘confirmed’ original batch, this 24 year old restaurant manager appears image-wise to be a bit of a mixture of all the ‘ethnic’ stereotypes from previous series including Simon ‘Hotdogs’ Deering (BB ’05), Vince Amato (BB ’03), Dean Glucina (BB ’05), and so on. Interestingly though, he’s the son of a former SA Senator, and is himself a member of the Young Liberals, so his ‘wog playboy’ image is mixed in with the ‘cerebral / political up-and-comer’ angle as well. Being a Young Lib, of course he’s bound to turn out to be a wanker … but at least as the only ‘token ethnic’ casting choice this year, they’ve made him more than simply one-dimensional. Small consolation though, considering he is the only out-and-out non-caucasian this year, as I’ve already mentioned.

(11) Thomas – Real Estate Agent / BFG (Blonde Tips)

He’s a good looking man-mountain, I’ll give him that. Predictably, all the girls inside (and outside) the house are gonna be swooning over him. He’d be a total alpha-male cliche, if it weren’t for the fact he seems to have a genuine ‘nice’ side. Mind you, it’s probably just some weird mutant adaptation, that lets him get even MORE chicks 😉 He’s married (but separated), and recently broke up with his girlfriend also. Claims he wants 6 months to ‘sort himself out’, and has expressed a desire not to become involved with anyone in the house. Either this is a cunning ploy to get even more chicks AGAIN (after all, everyone always wants what they can’t have, don’t they ? *s*), or is something to genuinly admire him for. Another one to watch, my personal jury is out.

(12) Travis – The Truckie / Token Married Bloke (Blonde)

The first thing that popped into my head when Gretel introduced this bloke to us was “f*ck me dead Sharl, it’s Warney !” Yep, he’s another white fella, blonde and blue-eyed, and all that jazz. On the plus side though, he’s a married bloke, and he’s even older than I am (32). As a (relatively) newly married man myself, I’m hoping he’ll do me proud, and resist the temptations of the assembled fem-bots. Yes – his other sub-type could be classed as a mixture of ‘bogan’ and ‘alpha male’ – but curiosly, there’s something about him which seems ‘honest’ and endearing, in a way that ‘bogans’ and (especially) ‘Alpha’ males usually are anything BUT endearing to me. I’m not entirely sure what it is … I think his calling Gretel “Big G” on the stage, before he entered the house could have something to do with it. Probably THE moment of the opening show for me.

And THAT, friends and fans, is where I’ll leave it for tonight. I’ll post about the various (non-twists) tommorrow, since the second episode revealed the majority of them.

Listening To: Female Vocalism : Conscious Daughters (Guerrilla Funk)

Current Horn Factor :

Quote of The Day
ZombieKing The best way to get rid of a client with dial-up –
ZombieKing Tell them to install SP2 and call back

Jeezus, kids ! It looks like BB Australia are trying to keep a low profile this year.

http://bigbrother.com.au/

Auditions are already going on for BB07 in Sydney as we speak ! They’re at the Hordern Pavilion, Moore Park (guess Sydney Uni finally got sick of BB-wannabe-fucktards) this year, which is just a hop, skip and a jump from our apartment really ! I’ve already missed one day of auditions (yesterday, November 20th), not likely to go today either (21st), and the last day to audition here in Sydney is tommorrow the 22nd of November.

Hmmm … should I or shouldn’t I ? It’s likely to cut into our wedding plans again if IG or myself were to get on the show, although it’s also likely to be the last series I reckon (although Dreamworld has extended their contract with Endemol for the BB House until 2009). Decisions, decisions ….

Waddayathink gang ?

AUDITIONS UPDATE (21/11/06):

Well gang, I just skived off @ lunch from work to have a bit of a sticky beak at the Sydney auditions in Moore Park. Didn’t actually do the deed myself (still debating the wisdom or lack thereof of doing that), but in a world exclusive (even beating BigBrother Chaos & Behind Big Brother) I can give you a heads up on this year’s audition process from a nameless punter who’d braved it (and got themselves through to the next round – the email application – in the bargain).

Essentially my source (if they’re to be believed) says – it’s pretty much the same as last year. You hand over your prefilled application forms, form groups of about 10 or 12 people and the groups will get into circles. Each circle of people will have a ‘watcher’ from the production company, who will then ask you to perform a number of simple tasks such as forming a ‘flesh pyramid’ (to assess who likes to charge in a group heirarchy, who is good at following orders etc). The circle will then be asked a number of questions such as “Who here has been arrested before ?”. Applicants whose answer is in the affirmative stay standing, while the others sit down. The applicants who are left standing are then given the opportunity to provide an in-depth answer to the question that was asked.

Eventually after a number of these questions, applicants who are successful are provided with login details to submit a detailed email application within 72 hours, and the session concludes for that group.

So that in nutshell is the first stage of the BB07 audition process – remember, you heard it here first ! 

One other tip from me – I went there during my lunch hour, just after 1pm – and there was hardly anyone there at this ‘late’ hour – so a word to the wise – if you want an easier time of getting in than the inevitable 9am rush (especially given overnight camping is discouraged this year), go in @ around lunch time and you’ll be laughing. See you there tommorrow gang (maybe ….)