The Rest of Your Life (v3.0)

Listening To: Female Vocalism : Conscious Daughters (Guerrilla Funk)

Current Horn Factor :

Quote of The Day
ZombieKing The best way to get rid of a client with dial-up -
ZombieKing Tell them to install SP2 and call back

Jeezus, kids ! It looks like BB Australia are trying to keep a low profile this year.

http://bigbrother.com.au/

Auditions are already going on for BB07 in Sydney as we speak ! They’re at the Hordern Pavilion, Moore Park (guess Sydney Uni finally got sick of BB-wannabe-fucktards) this year, which is just a hop, skip and a jump from our apartment really ! I’ve already missed one day of auditions (yesterday, November 20th), not likely to go today either (21st), and the last day to audition here in Sydney is tommorrow the 22nd of November.

Hmmm … should I or shouldn’t I ? It’s likely to cut into our wedding plans again if IG or myself were to get on the show, although it’s also likely to be the last series I reckon (although Dreamworld has extended their contract with Endemol for the BB House until 2009). Decisions, decisions ….

Waddayathink gang ?

AUDITIONS UPDATE (21/11/06):

Well gang, I just skived off @ lunch from work to have a bit of a sticky beak at the Sydney auditions in Moore Park. Didn’t actually do the deed myself (still debating the wisdom or lack thereof of doing that), but in a world exclusive (even beating BigBrother Chaos & Behind Big Brother) I can give you a heads up on this year’s audition process from a nameless punter who’d braved it (and got themselves through to the next round – the email application – in the bargain).

Essentially my source (if they’re to be believed) says - it’s pretty much the same as last year. You hand over your prefilled application forms, form groups of about 10 or 12 people and the groups will get into circles. Each circle of people will have a ‘watcher’ from the production company, who will then ask you to perform a number of simple tasks such as forming a ‘flesh pyramid’ (to assess who likes to charge in a group heirarchy, who is good at following orders etc). The circle will then be asked a number of questions such as “Who here has been arrested before ?”. Applicants whose answer is in the affirmative stay standing, while the others sit down. The applicants who are left standing are then given the opportunity to provide an in-depth answer to the question that was asked.

Eventually after a number of these questions, applicants who are successful are provided with login details to submit a detailed email application within 72 hours, and the session concludes for that group.

So that in nutshell is the first stage of the BB07 audition process – remember, you heard it here first ! 

One other tip from me – I went there during my lunch hour, just after 1pm – and there was hardly anyone there at this ‘late’ hour – so a word to the wise – if you want an easier time of getting in than the inevitable 9am rush (especially given overnight camping is discouraged this year), go in @ around lunch time and you’ll be laughing. See you there tommorrow gang (maybe ….)

Listening To: A Crime For All Seasons : My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult

Current Horn Factor :

Quote of The Day

Cndz what would jesus do ?
Josh probably get crucified and die

So how did you guys spend Easter ? We went down to The Bay to stay with IG’s best friend for 3 days. It was nice to get away from Sydney for a change and we didn’t get into any fights outside the Soldiers Club this time, so it wasn’t a bad trip. I did find myself slightly annoyed on the Saturday night, when the girls decided to walk back home from the town’s only pub because they couldn’t be arsed waiting for one of the town’s three taxis. It was freezing cold, we had to walk for over an hour when it was already past midnight and we were all in various states of inebriation, IG had painful shoes on, and if I hadn’t been there I wouldn’t have been surprised if the girls hadn’t got into a spot of bother with the pair of drunken ‘frat-boy’ types we passed on our merry way home, and who displayed a particular interest in trying to strike up a conversation with my fiancé. Still – all turned out well in the end, and we didn’t even end up sick the next day from the cold, as I feared we would … I’m just not doing the walk next time, now I know how bloody far it is !

Speaking of The Bay, we have a freaky example of ‘synchronicity’ happening this year with BB06. Y’see gang, Karen & Krystal (the mother/daughter pair of housemates, and BB’s disappointing “world first” drawcard) happen to come from … you guessed it … the little South Coast surfey town that I like to call ‘Summer Bay’, and which the rest of the world knows as Batemans Bay. Not only that, but it’s fairly likely that one of them (I’m not sure which at this stage) is actually the very recent ex-girlfriend of someone who works with IG’s best friend at one of the local car dealerships. So there you have it … last year we had a housemate who looked like my fiancé (the much-maligned Gianna), and this year we have not one but TWO housemates who come from the town my baby grew up in, and probably know some of the same circle of people that she does. Is BB trying to tell us something ? One thing’s for sure – we won’t be making any plans for Sunday night for the next 3 months !

In other news, it was my birthday last week. The scary one – the big two-niner ! One year off 30. One more year till I truly start looking like a bit of a sad-bastard when I’m out at clubs. Not that it will stop me going out, even when I do hit that three decade threshold, I’m sure. Doesn’t change the fact the young ‘uns are gonna think I’m a sad-bastard though. After all, there’s only so much that Loreal Men Expert ‘Anti-Wrinkle Serum’ can do !

Worse still, I’ve only got one year left till I miss my goal of becoming a millionaire before I hit the big Three-Oh. Given I’m trying to save for our wedding, achieving that goal is looking more and more unlikely. Hell … I think at this point in time, I’d be content with landing a job I’m actually happy with before I’m thirty, and never mind the non-existent ‘riches’ it increasingly looks like it’s not my destiny to attain.

Perhaps it’s time to sit down and do another of those self-involved mental-masturbation exercises wherein I try to figure out what (if anything) is my ‘true calling’, and what I actually ‘want out of life’. I’ve finally got the relationship I always wanted, and (much to my own initial surprise) I really like where we live , so it would be nice to get that last little niggling loose end of my life (i.e. career) ‘sorted’ in the next year.

Yep … I’ve got a lot I need to do this year, before I hit 30 – the use-by date for ‘cool’ !

Listening To: Pure Cult : The Cult

Current Horn Factor :

Quote of The Day
Raven I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
Raven It said my password wasn’t long enough. A week to go till BB06 auditions, and I’m having a bit of dilemma gang. Y’see, I’m not entirely sure I want to audition anymore. Part of it is to do with the lukewarm response I’ve received out in Sydney blog-land to my ‘Bloggers for Big Brother’ idea i.e. that a bunch of us Sydney bloggers would congregate in Newtown on the Saturday night before the auditions, and proceed to audition as a group on Sunday morning.

To my mind this would have been a great social evening and pop-culture experience rolled into one – but with the exception of the divine IG and the sympathetic Steph, it seems like everyone else has poo-pooed the idea for a variety of their own twisted reasons.

What’s wrong with Sydney bloggers ? Here’s a chance to get right into the thick of pop-culture, and everyone is like “we can’t be arsed”, if they’ve dignified my emails/comments with a reply at all !

While I’ve auditioned on my own in previous years, I thought going along to the auditions with a group of fellow bloggers had the potential to be heaps of fun … so I’m surprised that the majority of you out there don’t seem to share this view. As such, unless I get a sudden torrent of emails / trackbacks / comments in the next few days telling me it is a good idea, I’m definitely not going to bother organising any pre-audition meetup. If I end up going at all I might post something the night before with a photo / telling y’all what I’m wearing on the off chance any other bloggers out there decide to come the auditions ‘on an individual basis’ … but that’s it. So if you wanna meet up peeps, let me know SOON !

Another reason I’m rethinking the auditions is because IG and I have now set a definite date for our wedding. It’s going to be late July 2006, it’s going to be in the Czech Republic, and it’s going to be in a castle (yup, you heard right – a castle !). As such in the unlikely event either of us were actually to get on Big Brother, this could present a problem because we would need to leave the house by the start of July for the wedding to go ahead as scheduled. Right now it’s still in the planning stages and a venue hasn’t been booked yet (the Czech Republic has numerous castles to choose from), so conceivably if ‘worst came to worst’ and we were successful during the early stages of the audition process the wedding itself could be put temporarily on hold. One of us would still lose out by just over two grand though if we didn’t travel in July, because the airfares have been booked already.

Yet another reason for my current indecisiveness about trying to get on BB again is that I’ve been giving some serious thought of late to the nature of celebrity itself, particularly BB celebrity. Y’see, for most of my life, before meeting my fiancé, I was convinced that I wanted to be famous. It always thought it would be nice to be famous for a creative reason e.g. writing or music, but at the end of the day the reason wasn’t as ‘desirable’ to me as the celebrity-status itself – I just knew I wanted fame as an end in and of itself. I suppose you could say I felt like there was a void in my life, and I thought only fame could fill that void. Just as I was conditioned to think by the media, I suppose. Since meeting Lisa though, I no longer feel like my life is ‘lacking’.

Sure, I still have money problems (and saving for a wedding is gonna be fun). Yes, I still feel underwhelmed by my job, wish we had a bigger apartment, suffer problems communicating with my family at times, and have a desire to do something ‘more’ with my life in terms of writing / painting / recording music. However, despite all these things I no longer feel like ‘there is something missing’ – these days they are just ‘challenges’ to overcome, rather than a ‘void’ which ‘fame’ will fill. Given the above, ‘celebrity’ no longer holds the same appeal it once did.

Couple this with the fact that any level of fame leads to a corresponding loss of privacy, and you can see why I’m suddenly hesitant to expose myself and my wonderful fiancé to the kind of media circus being a BB participant brings. There’s still a part of me that does want to be famous despite all that, but these days my attention has shifted and if I’m ever going to be famous then dammit the reason has to be a good one (such as the aformentioned writing / art / music) and not simply for the sake of fame itself. Being a contestant on Big Brother, unfortunately, doesn’t fall into that category. Sure – it can be a springboard for launching other creative ventures later on – and if I end up auditioning again it will be with that end in mind – but essentially, BB contestants’ fleeting ‘fame’ doesn’t spring from anything more than being on the program itself.

So there you have it folks – do I audition for Big Brother 06, or don’t I ? It’s a dilemma …

(Update 29/11/05) :

Ok gang, it’s official – IG and I are pulling out of the running this year. The final nail in the coffin were the persistant rumours doing the rounds of the message boards that the 2006 season may run for as long as 6 months. Not only would this definitely prevent us from going ahead with our wedding as planned, but also while 3 months apart would be hard enough (especially going on past experience with Lisas one month overseas trip), a six month separation at this stage in our relationship is virtually out of the question. The upside of this is you can expect the usual armchair commentry from me again in 2006 concerning the latest BB season … and I’ll try to do an even more thorough job this time around.

That being said – good luck to everyone auditioning this year – I’m looking forward to watching those of you who make it on BB in 2006 !

Listening To: Sarssipius’ Ark : Infectious Grooves

Current Horn Factor :

That’s right folks … the BB machine is already getting ready to rev up again … according to the official site, Sydney auditions for Australian BB06 are being held December 4th-6th at Sydney Uni. For the first time this includes a Sunday – which means there’s a strong possibility of me going out clubbing till the wee hours on the Saturday night, then rocking up to Sydney uni to camp out for the remainder of the night and trying my luck (again) on the Sunday. I just hope they don’t have the same stupid rule they had last year about (ostensibly) not taking people in steady relationships – since I’m very much “taken” and quiet happy with that fact, thankyou very much !

Watch this space !

16/11/2005 Update: ‘Lo again … so … I’ve hit on a cunning plan. Let’s call it “Bloggers for Big Brother” shall we ? Basically, this involves a bunch of us Sydney bloggers meeting up in the city on Saturday the 3rd of December for a night of drinking and whatever else takes our fancy. No doubt starting somewhere in Newtown, and working our way from there. Some time later during the night we will migrate en-masse as a group to the Sydney uni campus, and all audition together on Sunday morning @ 9 a.m. (more like 10 or 10:30 if last year is anything to go by) for possibly the last (depending on how ratings go, and if TCN 10 renews the contract with Endemol) series of Australian Big Brother, BB06. Surely at least ONE of us should be interesting enough to get in ? So – whose with me guys ?

Listening To: Cuz Its Hot : My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult

Current Horn Factor :

I know, I know – it’s a few weeks overdue, but here for what it’s worth is my Australian BB05 wrap-up. It’s going to be a fairly short one, since every other BB blogger has already given you the blow-by-blow account of the show itself. I’m just going to comment on the final outcome itself i.e. the shock-win of ‘Logan’ Greg, the former CUB sales rep, over everyone’s favourite housemate ‘Lefty’ Tim Brunero, erstwhile Newtown journalist & Workers Online contributor.

To say this result was a bit of a disappointment would be a major understatement. Don’t get me wrong – Greg seems to be a genuinely nice guy, and is certainly the nicer of the two ‘Logan Twins’. Nonetheless I feel cheated, as I’m sure many Lefties do, by the fact that for once the major prize of a contest which is essentially the ultimate televised physical manifestation of the right-wing paranoid psyche was within ‘our’ (Tim’s) grasp, but was snatched from us at the last minute by the nutty voting whims of Australias pre-teen & teenage female demographic. “FÇ”ck it !”, I say. Fuck it hard with the distressingly phallically-shaped Bratzâ„¢ “Electronic Spin the Bottle Game”, suitably lubed and primed for action. I think if we have a similar situation next year where we’re down to a likeable Leftie contestant (“pick me, pick ME !”) vs a good-looking, generally likeable but ultimately right-wing guy like Greg, I’m going to start spreading the rumour that voting for the ‘wrong’ housemate will give your Barbie syphillis. Who’s with me ?

So there you have it … that’s the ‘ending’ referred to in this post title. “What, pray tell, is the ‘beginning’ ?” I hear you ask, gentle reader. Thanks to the miracles of modern videotape technology and a grandmother with too much time on her hands, I’m proud to announce I will shortly become probably the only English speaking blogger in the world (and certainly I’m sure the only one in Australia) to hold the dubious honour of commenting on the first ever Czech series of Big Brother, kicking off this week just outside Prague. Yaaaaay !!!

This is being produced by the Czech “Television Nova” network, previously known in the Western world primarily for its nude late-night weather forecasts. This station is also renowned by the natives for its racey (Czech dubbed) Brazillian & Argentinian soap-operas, reruns of the ‘Red Shoe Diaries’ soft-porn series starring a pre-X-Files 1980′s David Duchovny, and Spelling Entertainment productions which are an average of only 5 years behind their current US counterparts – making them some of the most ‘immediate’ American soaps in all of Eastern Europe. As such I can almost guarantee you we’re going to see lots of T&A, and I’m also fairly certain to learn some new Czech vulgarities, which are certain to come in handy next time I’m in Prague and having to tell a gang of skinheads to fuck off without exposing myself as a traitorous immigrant who grew up overseas. I’m very excited, let me tell you !

To cap it all off, the current super-model & pØrnstar statistics would bear me out when I say that the majority of Czech/Slovak women are majorly good looking, so the Czech HM’s are all bound to be Jo Ashton & Kate, rather than Vesna & Sarah-Maree Fedell, if you get my drift. All I can say is – “DÄ•kuji Christe, za Sametovou Revolucy !” (Thankchrist for the Velvet Revolution !) Granted – my commentary is going to be somewhat delayed by the fact my grandma is streaming a feed straight to the antique 1970′s valve-powered, Russian-made fileserver grandpa has running in the communal boiler room videotaping it for me and sending the tapes over my snail mail once filled with a few episodes. Nonetheless I reckon it’s better than no commentary at all on this world-important, cross cultural event (in other words, I’ll let you know about the major T&A hotness and/or funny bits, lads).

However, before the hotness I’m going to give you a little teaser-pic of one of the other HM’s I’ll also be watching with interest when my videotape arrives from the Czech Republic. His name is Jaroslav, and I’m going to be watching him because … well dammit, I haven’t seen such a hideous permed-mullet and handlebar ‘tache combo since the 80′s. Man, are we Czech men stylish or what ? *smirk*

Finally then, “just another” night of clubbin’ to report on in the world of DB. Saturday night I made my way over to Bondi in anticipation of taking IG out to her first-ever goth club. Giving her a bit of glimpse into the ‘scene’ that was at least partially responsible for making me who I am today, what with my decade+ association with it in various countries and various levels over the years (to the point now where I’ve finally weaned myself off to maybe one goth club in 6-8 months if I’m lucky). ‘Twas not to be – Lisa’s copy of the Drum was a week out of date and the night in question had actually already occurred a week previously. Although we were both suffering from the flu, and somewhat tired, we were determined to go out so after some quick debating decided to head to one of IG’s old haunts instead, to whit the uber-yuppified “too cool for school” hangout of coked-up City investment bankers, known as The Tankstream Bar/Tank Nightclub.

Scanning the crowd at the door (Habibs with $200 designer-dishevelled haircuts, women in fur coats & Prada dresses, Patrick Bateman-types in suits), I got a pretty good idea of what lay in store for us, and some of those impressions were certainly spot-on. Dècor was a rough imitation of the kind of ‘big money decadence’ in places the elite (i.e. Mafia … haha) go to in Europe, complete with dancefloor area & downstairs bar in what appeared to be a genuine cellar. Having seen the real thing though I’m unfortunately hard to please when it comes to that sort of thing, so I was fairly underwhelmed. Particularly on finding out later that the cellar area seemed to feature no discernable ventilation at all, niavely trying to rely instead on its impossibly high ceiling (by normal above ground standards) to disperse the hot air generated by a dancefloor full of clubber shaking their bootay. Here’s a tip guys, if you ever stumble across this blog – mount some fucking fans on the big wooden pylon holding the ceiling up, because your stupid Aussie “we’re unfamiliar with how cellars work because Antipodean architecture doesn’t usually feature them” ventilation plan is utter bollocks, meaning anyone who spends any length of time on the dancefloor is in serious danger of developing heat-stroke !!!

In terms of the music itself, alas I must also confess this wasn’t really to my taste. I tried my best to enjoy it, and got a groove going with IG on a few songs, but either the DJ’s had stuffed up the EQ levels somehow or they were trying to emulate the Prague clubbing scene in more ways than one. With very few exceptions, Czech music always sounds like it’s had the bass surgically removed. No doubt this is due to its historical reliance on second-rate Russian knockoffs of early Moog synths and a few broken Yamaha DX-7′s ‘liberated’ off the back of a truck by Russian forces going on unauthorised rece-leave to West Germany. This is why all the good clubs in Prague won’t touch that shite with a 10-foot-pole, and choose to play strictly imported (American/European/UK) tunes instead. This is also why trying to emulate the ‘Prague Sound’ is a bad, baaad idea – since the only GOOD Prague sound is the one that resembles Rotterdam/Ibitha/London/Sydney … i.e. indistinguishable from the JBL-powered acoustics of a good club anywhere on the planet.

Finally then, lets talk about the club patrons. As mentioned earlier, the predominant motif seemed to be ‘the beautiful people’ / Spelling Entertainment refugees. Don’t get me wrong … I know I’m a wanker too – I love all the (other?) Merrivale venues (Establishment, Slipp-Inn, Hotel CBD, Angel Place), Greenwood on a good night, Commodore Hotel, Cockle Bay (on occassion … though not TOO often) etc etc. Yet somehow to me at least, it felt like this particular crowd epitomised my wankerdom taken to another level again. It’s taken me around two years to get really comfortable and stop feeling like I’m something that Pussy Galore, the Western Suburbs Moggie dragged in at the aforementioned places I usually frequent, but after all of 5 minutes in Tank I was already feeling that old familiar vibe of “oh my god, I don’t think I belong here”. Turns out I needn’t have worried though – as I stood at bar getting drinks for my fiancé and I, a drunken queen who looked a little bit like Andy from the Peregrine Gig proceeded to lisp in her ear “you’d better hang on to him girlfriend, he’s not gonna last long in here coz they’re a pretty pushy lot”. Not more than 30 seconds later, I felt my arse being fondled. I’d like to think it was the blonde girl and her brunette friend behind me … it wasn’t STRICTLY a gay crowd … but I’m not sure – it could have been Andy.

Directly after that, a drunk & fairly plain looking mediterranian girl came up to us and proceeded to start flirting with Lisa, and telling me what a lucky guy I was to be with her (“yeah thanks, I know”). A bit freaked out, we retreated to the other side of the bar to have our drinks, then headed to the downstairs area for a dance via the restrooms (which were freaky in and of themselves, with an entry area which made it difficult to asertain where the club-proper ended and toilet began, and which was the mens & womens loos). Now I’ve already talked about the dancefloor and downstairs bar so I won’t rehash that. Instead, I’ll just mention briefly that we ran into Andy-Clone & Drunkgirl again on the way (the former actually having to show us where the stairs were, the latter reiterrating how lucky I was to be with my girl), and that the dancefloor was packed as the Zion party-scene in Revolutions.

Andy-Clone turned up again at one point to point out a blonde chick and brunette guy he claimed were his “brother and sister”, although I didn’t see the resemblance and the couple in question both shook their heads as if to say “we don’t know what the hell this freako is talking about”. Perhaps he got it into his brain to set up the two ostensibly straight-couples for a bit ‘wife-swapping’ ? You can never tell with someone like Andy. Drunkgirl also put in an appearance to ask me if I “minded” if she dance with my fiancé ? I don’t think it would have mattered either way what I said, but all the same I answered good naturedly “of course not”, and she proceeded to twirl IG around in a salsa-esque display for about two minutes while the woggy guy standing in front of me (who had just arrived a few moments later and hadn’t seen the lead-up) gradually racked up his grin and attempted to get his crotch as close to both of them as he could without actually appearing to dance.

It was just after the point where Drunkgirl attempted to stick her tongue in IG’s ear that my fiancé decided she’d had enough, and nimbly side-stepped wogboy and his mates to come back to dancing with me. That was a very thankful DB right there, let me tell you ladies and germs ! It’s not that I would have a problem with my fiancé pashing or even getting it on with another girl, particularly an attractive one (which this one wasn’t) – per se. That is after all the stuff many male fantasies are made of ! This particular girl however came across with a very scary “I don’t really wanna share” kind of vibe … and while I think I do alright at tongueing the pink pearl (see … watching lots of pá»™rn CAN be good for something hehe) I don’t have one of my own so it’s conceivable if someone that does and who didn’t want to share took IG to “the darkside of the force” – I couldn’t be guarenteed of getting her back

Eventually, all temptations successfully batted away and bodies drained from dancing to bass-lacking tunes in the poorly ventilated cellar, IG and I bade the Tankstream Bar farewell and stumbled off exhausted for a cab and home. Not before Lisa had almost backed inadvertently into Geneva from BB05 on the dancefloor mind you … which brings us neatly back to the start of this post.

Funnily enough – despite all my bitching above, I still wouldn’t classify it as a bad night. Certainly not the best night out I’ve had, but there were enough moments of quiet internal amusement, grooving with IG and curiosity at seeing an old hangout of hers to still make it an “OK” evening of clubbin’. Just lemme work on my tan and my beer-belly before I go there again

Bonnes noches, mis amigos !

Listening To: Choose One : 1200 Techniques

Current Horn Factor :

My apologies to anyone who read this post in it’s original (short) form, but I’ve decided it’s better to expand on the reasons for my glee at the most recent BB05 eviction, and to simultaneously tackle a rant that’s been a long time coming in the process. I’ve also edited it again now (as you’ll see from the post above referring to it being taken down temporarily) to take some of the ‘sting’ out … because I realised I was getting a little bit too worked up over some of the later stuff and I don’t want you guys to get the wrong idea ! Anyhoo …

The eviction I’m referring to is of course that of Vesna – the subject of a what was my shortest TROYL post to date earlier in the week, exhorting you to use the power of network-sanctioned democracy to make sure her whiny Macedonian arse was voted off the show. Seems Australia heard my impassioned cry – because come last night, this spoilt princess was indeed booted out of the BB05 house. Sitting rivetted on the couch, waiting for Gretle to open the eviction envelope, I’m sure the entire floor of my apartment block heard my loud whoop of “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay !” as the erstwhile Kileen uttered the fabulous phrase “It’s time to go … Vesna”

Now before I say anything else, we need to clarify that I have absolutely nothing against Macedonians in general. My dad is currently consulting in Albania, which is next door, and probably will be for another two years. Being a Czech immigrant myself, I have absolutely no problems with Eastern Europeans / Slavic races as a whole. It’s Vesna herself as an individual, rather than as a ‘representative’ of the Macedonian community, that I’ve had major issues with, and that’s why I’m sooooo delighted she is not one of the two remaining BB finalists.

“So what ‘issues’ do you have with the Melbourne hairdresser exactly ?” I hear you ask. A picture, as they say, speaks a thousand words …

This is exactly the kind of face we saw Vesna wearing for probably 80% of the time she was in the house. To say she is a bit of a whinger is perhaps the biggest understatement of the century. I lost count of the number of times watching the daily show that I just wanted to smack her about the head and scream “Shut the hell up Vesna you whining, snotty little biatch !” – and I’m not normally a violent man, nor have I ever hit a woman. However after only a few episodes of watching this chick do nothing but complain and carry on, I became more than thoroughly sick of Vesna and her shit.

I’m not a fan of whingers at the best of times … after too many years spent in the goth scene, I have very little patience left for people who choose to take a consistently negative view of life. Couple this with the fact that at least half of her frequent tantrums were directed at BB himself, and I know if I were in the house with Vesna I probably would have strangeled her within a week. I mean helloooo … if you hated BB so much Ves, why did you agree to go on the show as an ‘intruder’ in the first place ? It’s not like you were like the rest of the housemates who had no idea what was in store for them this season, were you ? You got the watch the first three weeks of the show like the rest of us, so you knew the producers were going to play up the ‘mean BB’ angle this year. Yet you still went into the house … so why the FŲCK couldn’t you just shut your stinking pie-hole ? Or better yet, why didn’t you tell the producers you didn’t want to go on the show after all, and given someone else who auditioned (me, pick me !!!) the chance to go in instead ?

Another source of frustration for Vesna and myself were the household chores, or to be more precise, her attitude to said chores. How anyone who has reached 28 – my age – can have no idea about doing simple things like window washing or toilet-bowl cleaning is completely beyond me !!! Prior to BB did Vesna live in a little Macedonian coccoon, where mum and dad did all of those tedious but necessary things around the house for her, so that our little princess never had to lift a finger ? I guess so, given the way she carried on (and on, and on, and ooooon) when faced with these tasks for the first time in her life on entering the BB house. This alone qualifies her for the title of “Biggest Twat of BB05″, a title jointly shared with Glenn the shearer for all his many (but entirely different) flaws.

I’m not talking about her outburst during the ‘Masters & Slaves’ task about being unable to cope with being “a slave to a man”. I’m talking about the routine upkeep the housemates are required to perform while they live in the BB house. It’s not very arduous housework either. Compared to the way most normal adults live, the BB house is generally a bit of a sty. Nonetheless, maintaining even this very basic state of household cleanliness was a bit too much for Vesna it seems. I’ve got news for you babe. True – most men aren’t going to ask you to be a ‘slave’. However, most decent self-respecting blokes (unless they’re complete pigs themselves) are going to expect you to do your part in keeping the place you live in together clean. Most men don’t want a slave, but most men don’t want a frikkin’ princess either ! It’s little wonder then that Vesna’s ex Ari, the one rumoured to be causing so much friction with her family on the outside, is only 21 years old. Who else but a guy barely out of his teens would be stupid enough to put up with attitude like that ?

I mean honestly, can you imagine waking up next to that sour looking face in the morning ? Jeeeeeesus ! “What’s wrong Vesna honey ?” “I’m feeling frumpy this morning, and I think I broke a nail in my sleep. I need chocolate, you have to buy me some before you go to work.” “I can’t baby, or I’m going to be late …” “God, you’re a bastard Ari. I hate you, I’ve always hated you. I think I had a better time living in the BB house than living with you !” “Ok … ok … I’m sorry, I’ll get your chocolate before I leave.” “Good … and clean the toilet before you go too. I think I had one too many tubs of Haagen Daasz last night, and my shit was really runny.” “Umm … ok. Listen, I might be back a bit later tonight, we have work drinks on. Love you baby …” “Oh … GOD … you think my arse is fat, don’t you ?” “What ?” “You’re cheating on me with some woman from work, and it’s all because you think my arse is fat, isn’t it ?” “But … but … I never …”. Ari you poor, poor schmuck ! I feel soooo sorry for you … if you have any sense at all, you won’t get back together with this girl, and you definitely won’t marry her if you know what’s good for ya !

Speaking of fat arses – yes, I must say the other reason I quickly got sick of watching Vesna was because I couldn’t stand another day of having to see her chunky thighs wobbling about in her pink tracksuit while she grabbed herself another tub of icecream out of the BB fridge ! I already live with an overweight, moody, black-haired, housework-lazy chick, and shall continue to do so for another month until I move in with my fiancé. TV is supposed to provide escapism, not to strain my eyes by adding more unattractive people to my life than I already have to deal with in the real world on a daily basis. If I wanted to watch an overweight woman sitting on a sofa eating icecream, I just have to walk in to my loungeroom. I don’t even need to turn on the TV, because she will already be watching one of the million and one shows she seems to follow, although idiot that I am I still pay half the cable TV bill ! This brings us very neatly then, to the more ‘general’ rant I mentioned earlier – a rant I’ve been hinting at for several months now. A rant that’s been building for almost a lifetime.

You see, gang … if it hasn’t become obvious yet over the course of many posts you’ve read on TROYL by now, I’m going to state something here plainly and for the record which may not win me many friends, but which I firmly believe nonetheless. Basically, over the last decade or so I’ve developed an almost pathological aversion to a certain type of person you see more and more of on the streets, in shopping centres and even in your favourite nightclub, every day ! That’s right guys, I’m talking about freakin’ fatties !

I’m sorry, but I simply don’t like fat people who are under the age of 45, and I don’t see anything wrong with that !!!

It wasn’t always this way – I even dated a fairly chubby girl (who has since ballooned into an elephant) for a year or two back in the misspent days of my late teens. However, the older I get and the more it seems everywhere around me the chubbies multiply, the less I’ve found myself able to block out the natural repulsion and disdain which arises when you see a truly humungous guy or girl walking down the street.

It seems to be a uniquely Anglo-Saxon problem too – we don’t get this happening back home in mainland Europe ! You might see on or two fat locals at most, but either the rest don’t exist, or they have the common sense to stay home and live their lives as shut-ins, instead of parading around Penrith Westfields in tight denim miniskirts and crop tops (girls) or baggy bumsters and Snoop-Dogg singlets (guys), rolls of lilly-white Celtic lard literally hanging over their waistbands. Now back in my younger days I used to believe you were supposed to support people in developing good self esteem and a positive self-image, yadda yadda yadda, and everything good would follow. However, I think I’ve finally realised that’s not doing the trick here.

I think what we need to do is SHAME these people into losing those extra fekking kilos, NOT to praise them !!!

Yes, they probably get teased mercilessly by their peers at school. Join the club … I might not have been fat back when I was a kid but I still got teased mercilessly for other things. However, as a society we’re still telling these people “it’s OK. You’re just sick. We still like you, and you’re a worthwhile person”, which isn’t doing much to solve the problem, is it ? We’re making them feel better about themselves, which means they keep stuffing their fat faces with cheeseburgers and will one day end up breeding, usually with someone of a similar body shape. Invariably the offspring these unfortunate people produce end up even fatter, given they are eating the same lipid-rich, nutritionally-poor diets as their obese parents, and sport isn’t encouraged in these families. All of which means our kids or grandkids are going to end up with a drought of genuinely attractive thin people to have sex with, unless they import them from overseas !

Over here, we have Ray Martin doing ACA stories about women being denied work as promotions models because they are “deemed too chubby”, and taking their side against the modelling agency. If the same thing happened in France or Germany or Czech Republic, the woman would be a laughing stock, and they would feature an interview with her wasp-thin, tanned and perfectly groomed French mother (mmm … MILF ! ;P) saying what a disgrace to her family Claudette is, and begging her to get some help for her obvious weight problem.

Commentator: So what are you saying, Madame Baptiste ?

The Yummie Mummie: (sobbing) My daughter … I love her .. . but she ees a fůcking pig, Jean-Paul. I ‘ave failed as a muzzerr … I am so ashamed (more tears)

She wouldn’t be half-wrong either, would she ? Why do I have this strong antipathy towards fat people ? Part of it is to do with the fact that it’s not just our kids and grandkids who will be experiencing a drought of normally-proportioned people … I actually found the beginnings of it with my own dating experiences in the last two years or so where it seemed like virtually every remotely attractive person was already coupled up, and at least every second blind date I went on turned out to be someone outside the boundaries of the ‘acceptable to shag’ weight-range ! Even more than that though, the thing which really scares me about fat people is that it would be pretty easy for me to become one, if I let myself …

‘Aye – there’s the rub ! I have to work very hard to stay in shape, and thanks to a combination of genes and lifestyle, it’s very easy for me to put weight on (and fairly easy to shift it when I exercise, thankgod) when I let myself slack off, as I have been over the winter months. At the moment I weigh 80.5 kg, which is fucking atrocious when you consider I measure 175cm and have been losing muscle mass to fat during the winter months. Worse yet, this is not too far off the most I’ve ever weighed – 86kg during a very black period living in Melbourne. I think I’d die of shame if I ever got that frikkin bloated again before middle age – hopefully NEVER !

See, I don’t like looking at other fat people, but I positively loathe looking in the mirror or at photos and seeing my familiar face looking back with the onset of chubbiness beginning. Fucking H-A-T-E it !!!! Considering at one point when I was living in Sweden I weighed only 65kg from being vegetarian and riding my pushbike everywhere all day instead of driving … it’s all the more distressing watching my gradual cellular lipid buildup.

Which is why dear readers, you’ll find me enthusiastically joining my sexy fiancé IG (who really doesn’t need it, but who am I to argue) in her ‘detox’ & upcoming ‘get back in shape’ / ‘shake off the winter kilos’ resolve. It’s time to lose that winter flab gang, and head back to the solarium before summer … or Fiji if you’re lucky enough to afford it like IG ;P Who knows … maybe someone out there knows Vesna and can point her in the direction of this weblog, and she can take a leaf out of this book too !

Listening To: The Fragile : Nine Inch Nails

Current Horn Factor :

OK people, we’re officially in the last week of this years Big Brother – so it’s time to get some ‘grassroots action’ happening. It’s time to VOTE people, if you haven’t already !!!

More precisely, it’s time to vote out Vesna … because this annoying, fat-arsed, loud mouth Macedonian wench who pisses in the pool and has nothing better to do than whinge, whinge, WHINGE really doesn’t deserve to win !

SMS ‘Vesna’ to 19 10 10 – it’s that easy. That’s all for today, gang …

Listening To: Thankyou : Duran Duran

Hi there loyal readers – I must apologise for lack of updates recently. I’ve been kept fairly busy at work this month (started a new role – same pay though which sucks), so haven’t had the same amount of time I did previously to devote to regular updates or even reading other peoples blogs. Not sure how we’ll remedy the situation, but in the meantime here’s yet another look at the amusing world of search phrases other people are using to find the site this month …

Gianna Pattison Fans
b05 gianna images
bb gianna
bb gianna desktop wallpapers
big brother gianna
big brother gianna pictures
big brother’s gianna
big brother uncut gianna
big brothers gianna pictures
bigbrother gianna pictures
fŮcking gianna
gianna
gianna – big brother
gianna bb
gianna bb images
gianna bb pics
gianna bb05 australia picture
gianna bb05 photos
gianna bb05 pictures
gianna bb05 uncut
gianna bb05 uncut pics
gianna big
gianna big brother
gianna big brother pictures
gianna big brother sexy pictures
gianna brother pics
gianna from bb
gianna from bb pictures
gianna from bb wallpaper
gianna from big brother
gianna of adelaide
gianna photo big brother christmas adelaide
gianna pics bb
gianna pictures
giannas
giannas name big brother
origin energy gianna
origin energy xmas party 2004 pics gianna
photos of gianna from bb05
pictures of gianna
pictures of gianna [big brother]
pictures of gianna from bb

Hoo boy ! Ever since I wrote a bit of a rant a few posts ago sticking up for the pint-sized princess from Adelaide, it seems like the biggest number of my hits have come from desperate dickheads wanting pictures of the BB05 evictee. Sorry guys – I don’t have any nude photos of GG, and even if I didn’t I wouldn’t be posting ‘em. Why don’t you go out and buy Ralph or something, if you’re that desperate ? I’ll post ONE of the Origin Energy Xmas Party shots I got from elsewhere off the web here … but that’s it ! Enough already with the Gianna thing, kapish ?!

Click for larger image …

 

General BB05 Fans
bb uncut
bb uncut images
bb uncut pics
bb05
bb05 australia audition tapes
bb05 contestants
bb05 glenn
bb05 housemates
bb05 kate real name
bb05 michelle
bb05 sex
bb05 tim
bb05 uncut
bb05 uncut images
bb05 uncut nude movie
bb05 uncut pics
christie bb05
glenn bb05
glenn bb05 pictures
glenn big brother racist
glenn of bb05
gretle big brother profile
hot dogs bb05
hotdogs – real name bb05
hotdogs big brother real name
hotdogs real name bigbrother
kate bb05
michelle bb05
pictures of housemates bb05
tim bb05
tim fans bb05
tim off bb05
uncut bb

For some reason, it seems a lot of the BB05 crowd that come to my site want the nudie pics of their favourite housemates which I just don’t have ! Sod knows I wish I did … I could probably make a mint, like the guys from those websites and magazines which carry Michelle’s (‘Harley’) erotic pre-BB photos must be making. Alas no, you’ll just find occasional references to my watching the show, chants of “Go Tim, Go !”, and discussions taking the piss out of evictees like Glenn & Dean. Sorry …

More Porn & ‘Naughty Celeb’ Addicts
18 years small teen hardcore
bella and evan
big arse girl photos
big ass chicks
big ass photos
busty aussie celebrity
celebrity boys spanked
celebrity shags
country boy pics
david hasslehoff emails
dieter brummer home and away
evan and bella
felching
girls pissin
illsa ss
julie delphie
mark phillipousis girlfriend
mark phillipousis paris hilton
pissin drinking
www.big shags.com

I swear … I don’t run a prØn site … so why do people visit this blog hoping for pictures of the above variety ? It particularly disturbs me that sick little puppies looking for golden shower or felching pics are somehow ending up at my blog. Does Google hate me just because I stopped hosting on Blogger ?

Desperate, Horny Singles
bondi oil babe
dating virgin filipinas
dating while pre-op
desperate housewives looking for guys
horny single st leonards
housewives feeling trapped
malaysian hottie
meeting backpackers for sex
people pashing
perth tiny bikinis beach
pissing housewives
single wog female
virgin girl still in her 20′s

Hahaha ! I feel kinda sorry for the unfortunate punter looking for a “single wog female” or “virgin girl still in her 20′s” who ends up at TROYL instead. Maybe I should start a cam-site and charge them $21.95 a month to see my (photoshopped) boobies ? I’m not sure what a “bondi oil babe” is …

Penile Obssessives
37!!! my girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!!!
cock accident
dick humour
my black cock blog

As I’ve said before and I’ll say again, “there’s nothin like a dose of big, black cock !”. Pity you won’t find it on my blog, eh ? ;P A special shout out also to the person who looked for “norgs” and came across DB’s blatherings hehe

Alcoholics & Other Miscreants
absynthe
how much absinthe gets you drunk?
life stories of methamphetamines
merrivale group
slipp inn
st leonards tavern
three wise monkeys tattoo

How much absinthe gets you drunk indeed ! Also, I reckon the peeps getting three wise monkeys tattoos are the same ones looking for backpacker sex. Think about it …

Plain Weird
ex-boyfriend blogs
heterosexal
lateness and puberty
port stephens sand dunes murdered bodies
solariums in castle hill

I’m glad a google search for “heterosexal” brings up TROYL. It would be even better if I came up under heterosexual, but I guess beggers can’t be choosers. As for the murdered bodies person … hmm … I hope this isn’t someone who’s buried a couple of corpses somewhere in Port Stephens, and is checking to see if his/her foul play has come to light. If that’s the case … I know nothing … I SWEAR. Even if it isn’t, I still know nothing hehe

And finally -

People That Make You Go “Awwwwww”
proud of your man and relationship
i will save a dance for you for the rest of my life

These ones give me a warm fuzzy feeling. All together now … “awwwwwww”

That’s it for this month’s search popular search phrases gang. There’s other random ones about Hotels, IG’s blog, Weggs blog and of course Wes Boone, but for the sake of brevity we’ll just go with the sampling above.

Peace out !

Listening To: Music For The Jilted Generation : Prodigy

OK guys, so how good was last Sundays BB eviction ? FAN – friggin – TASTIC, that’s what ! In case you live under a rock (or just don’t watch Big Brother); Glenn the sexist, racist, in-bred, sheep-shagging … er I mean sheep-shearing, carrot-top moron from country Victoria was booted out of the BB house on Sunday night by a whopping 54% majority of viewers. Yeeehaaa ! How you like them apples, Glenny boy ?

As an electorate, we might not be able to exercise the same strength of purpose and unity to stop our government taking us to war in Iraq for example, or to affect regime-change in our own country and remove said government from power. However, at least when it comes to the important(*) things like Reality TV contests, we ‘the people’ know how to do ‘the right thing’ and remove the bastards that need to be removed from the general equation.

As our regular readers would know, I never liked Glenn to begin with. He struck me as a moron from the get-go, and feel free to call me biased here but I don’t particularly like redheads either. I’m sure the feeling is mutual – Glenn wouldn’t exactly take a shine to me if he met me, I’m sure. My initial feelings about Glenn were confirmed as the series progressed, and he proved himself to be a liar, simpleton, sleaze-bag, racist and sadistic bastard (as far as animals are concerned), all rolled into one. I won’t go into the details of all the shit he’s done and said – there are plenty of other commentators out there who’ve already gone down that path – but I have to say IG and I both whooped out aloud with pleasure, sitting on the couch in her apartment as Gretel read out Sundays verdict “It’s time to …. Glenn”.

The episode really WAS a gem …. in sooooo many ways. Not only was Glenn booted, but it was hilarious to watch the subsequent grilling Gretle subjected him to on the eviction stage. This was followed up by an appearance by Michelle, another former housemate and unfortunate victim of much of Glenns lying, sleazy behaviour. Now some people think Gretle and Michelle were ‘too hard’ on Glenn, but I think he deserved every second of it. In fact, I would have liked to see them be even ‘harder’ !!! It would have been great to see Gretle ‘crack’ this ‘quintessential country lad’ and reduce him to a snivelling wreck. Between herself and the erstwhile Michelle they almost managed it too – by the end of the confrontation (which was what the majority of Glenns eviction stage appearance consisted of), Carrot Top’s body language was so defensive it was a virtual Atlantic Wall. I reckon a few more well-aimed pinpricks, and we WOULD have seen him bawl.

Alas, acting no doubt on instructions from production staff during the ad-breaks, who have after all favoured Glenn in the house up till now (hoping to keep the country + ‘aussie’ demographics interested in the show no doubt) – in the end Michelle was banished from the stage again and Gretle let up on Carrot Top for the last part of the show. Nonetheless, the important deed is done – Glenn is gooooone and won’t be winning the BB prize-money. It’s official – Glenn is a looooser, and 54% of Australians agree with me.

Thankgod for democracy !

(*) Can you detect tongue firmly in cheek ? …

Listening To: Remedy (Disc 1 – Pre Op) : Various Artists

So, the beautiful IG and I sat down to watch BB-Uncut last night. We missed it last week, but wanted to catch it this time ’round after our weekend trip to Adelaide (more on that might be posted later). Seeing this confirmed a few things for me, which have become pretty edvident over the last few weeks :

(1) Glenn from Hickville … is a complete frikkin arse-clown ! Actually – all the guys this year pretty much are tools, except for Tim.

(2) Tim is a freakin legend, and deserves to win !

It’d no surprise, really, that Glenn is a moron of the highest order. What kind of retard picks another guy to go into the rewards room with him ? The latest episode of uncut showed another side to the carrot-topped simpleton however … the sleazy, randy side unfortunately. Given that a ‘highlight’ of the episode was Glenn ‘getting it on’ with the equally-aesthetically-challenged Geneva, complete with 60′s-risque-pseudo-porn editing which substituted cliched images of fireworks and exploding champagne bottles for the moment when ole’ carrot top presumably creamed his jocks (leaving Geneva less-than-satisfied) … I think IG’s comment of the moment summed it up best “Ewwww ! It’s like two ginger haired guys getting it on. I think I’m gonna be sick !”

We were also treated to Glenn and the other lads (bar Tim) lighting their own farts, and Glenn doing his best bubble-boy impersonation with the aid of a handy condom. Oh yes, and a couple of sequences of the lads going into the toilets to take turns shaking hands with the bishop ! I was almost expecting a circle-jerk at one point, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this didn’t actually eventuate, and was simply not shown ! Quality-fŨcking-televison, literally.

The episode also showed a snippet of some of the meaner things the “lads” (hereafter known as The Retards Collective), headed up by none other than our favourite Cletus-from-the-Simpsons-lookalike, Glenn, have been doing to Tim. Hog-tied, punched in the nuts, wrestled – all of these things he’s had to put up with. Yet when BB called Tim into the diary room for a bit of a chat, and gave him the opportunity to have the guys disciplined for their bullying essentially on a platter, Tim actually told him “no, it’s OK, I’ve had worse, I don’t feel like I’m being bullied”. Hats off to Tim, ladies and gentlemen – there is a man with BIIIIG fŨcking balls ! If it was me, I would have long ago gone to the diary room to have a chat to BB off my own bat. But Tim is happy to grin and bear it. Now who wants to talk to me about ‘whining lefties’ ?

The other reason Tim is legend in my book (and should be in yours), is of course precisely because he is a Leftie – certified, signed, sealed and delivered ! He used to write for The Chaser, and lately has penned stuff for Workers Online. In this day and age, in a houseful of extreme-right Liberal loonies like Nelson and Angela (and Glenn too, I’d wager), it’s freaking fantastic to see an articulate, intelligent, politically active, union-supporting, young man like Tim step up and boldly proclaim “Hey, I might act a bit creepy around girls, my haircut might be a decade out of date, and my fashion sense doesn’t really work outside ‘a Newtown, but fukkit … I’m left-wing and proud of it, and I can go head to head with a bunch of jock-Liberal-retards and emerge out the other side. Maybe victorious, maybe not … either way I’ll emerge intact, and so will my big balls !”

Go Timmie, go – you’ve got my vote to win son … and with the unions behind you (if the Workers Online site is to be believed), there’s a small chance we MIGHT even swing it !