TGIF


I think I’ve just found a new love … Amazon.com ! Why ?

I got a little package, and something arrived in the post today as well 😉

That’s right mofos – the mailman has just dropped off “Planet Terror” & “Deathproof” on DVD for me at work. For those who don’t know, these are the two constituent films which made up ‘Grindhouse’, the poorly-grossing, yet undeniably appealing (at least to ‘so bad it’s good’ film buffs like yours truly) recent cinematic experiment from Quintin Tarantino & Robert Rodriguez. Whilst the initial cinematic release in the States had these films playing together as an ostensible ‘double feature’, linked by a bunch of wacky faux-trailers to recreate the ‘Grindhouse Cinema’ / Drive-In experience, they’ve been split for subsequent international & DVD release.

There’s still hope amongst fans that they original ‘double feature’ experience will be restored at some point by a DVD release featuring both films plus all the ‘extra’ stuff showcased in the ‘Grindhouse’ US release, at this point it’s only possible to get the films separately.

‘Death Proof’ has only recently started showing in Australian cinemas, and in a judicious piece of casting stars Kurt Russel as a psychopathic stuntman who ‘stalks sexy young ladies’ (as the packaging blurb puts it), and kills them in his ‘deathproof’ 1970’s (?) Dodge Challenger (the yank equivelant of the venerable Valiant). Directed by Tarantino, it’s supposed to be some of his best work in years, so I’m definitely looking forward to watching it.

‘Planet Terror’ hasn’t even come out anywhere but the USA yet, and if I’m looking forward to Death Proof, I’m almost at the point of having a religious experience … in my pants … at the prospect of Planet Terror. Directed by Robert Rodriguez, this is a futuristic zombie splatter-flick starring Rose McGowan (my favourite Halliwell) as a stripper-turned-zombie-fighter who ends up with an M-16 in place of a leg for the majority of the movie.

I luuuuurve a well-done zombie movie (even when it doesn’t star Rose, although as anyone who has seen Jawbreaker knows, she plays a bad-girl very well), and if the trailer I just watched on the DVD is anything to go by, this is going to be one of those.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’ve raised my standards *slightly* since the days when I used to watch literally ANY shite which I could find in the ‘ten videos for ten bucks’ weekly rental horror / slasher / sci-fi aisle at Video Sleazy. Mainly because sitting through Rob Zombie’s ‘definitely trying way too fucking hard’ directorial debut (House of a Thousand Corpses) made me realise there really ARE some films which constitute two hours of your life wasted, which you are never ever going to get back.

Unlike the aforementioned House of A Thousand Corpses though, I have a strong feeling the ‘Grindhouse’ DVDs I’ve had arrive are NOT going to be waste – quiet the reverse.

Watch this space for reviews, after I’ve had a chance to watch them on the weekend. Who knows … I might even go all out to repeat my ‘ten videos for ten bucks’ experience of yore, and get a big arse bucket of KFC and a few bourbon and cokes in me, to go with that :)

… makes Homer go insane. No … wait ! 😉

Just thought I’d do a *very* quick post, to head off any vicious rumours before they start. I want to assure all my loyal readers (the whole 5 or so of you, if that) I’m still alive and well, I’ve just been busier than a hooker at a media convention with work, and trying to write a 50,000 word novel in my ‘spare time’ as part of NanoWriMo, which is why I haven’t been posting much. Factor in the added distraction of Fakebook … I mean facebook … and the fact I’m desperately itching to find some time to write a few new tunes (or at least lay down another DJ mix), and you can see why I haven’t written any new blogposts in a while.

Rest assured, ‘normal’ service shall resume at some point, most likely in December, when various Xmas parties and the like are sure to provide at least one or two drunken debauchery stories worthy of blog-fodder !

Listening To: Hard NRG 8 : Various Artists (MOS)

Current Horn Factor :

Horn Factor = Need Relieeeef !

Quote of The Day
MyBumMyChum please describe web 2.0 to me
MyBumMyChum in 2 sentences or less.
mynameizzzEarl you make all the content.
mynameizzzEarl they keep all the revenue.

If you can’t tell already (by the fact I haven’t posted anything for the last few weeks), BB07 apathy has well and truly set in for me now dear readers. I don’t know if I can see it through to the end of the series, and I definitely can’t be arsed blogging about it at the moment. Besides, this blog is about so much more than just Big Brother, isn’t it gang ? 😉 So instead, I’m going to tackle a completely different topic for today’s enthralling TROYL installment, namely that of “collecting”.

Whether it’s stamps, football cards (baseball cards for our seppo friends), comic books, those poxy porcelein figurines off the back of the TV guide, or explicit polaroid photographs of their numerous sexual encounters, most people have at one time or another, kept a ‘collection’ of some sort. I myself started out collecting Tintin comics when I was a young lad (still have the whole set somewhere in storage), before moving on to “Australian Plastics Modeller” magazine, and a brief flirtation with philatelly (although stamps are a lot less exciting than your average Tintin, which is why the latter was a ‘passing phase’ at best). I also went through a stage of collecting scars in the latter half of my “difficult teens” and early 20’s, but thankfully the appeal of that eventually wore off also.

Now, some would argue that these days what I mostly collect is pornography and parking tickets, but I beg to differ. “Collecting” would be far too methodical a phrase to describe the chaotic nature of my prOn stash, and the parking tickets are not something I purposefully amass, they simply come to me as a consequence of being too lazy to ride my pushbike to work, and choosing to drive instead. Rather, I like to think of myself as ‘collecting’ something far more ephemeral. This particular “pashion” (or compulsion ?) for ‘collecting’ has been with me since around the mid 1990’s, and is a direct consequence of my being a (bedroom/part-time/amateur) musician.

You see gang, the “thing” (or things) I spend a fair bit of time collecting these days are – SOUNDS !

Hold up, hold up ! Before you shut down your browser in disgust (“Sounds ? You purple-haze, hippy, motherf$ka !”), let me explain.

Back in the mid 90’s, when my friends and I first moved away from our guitars and drumkits to PC-based music production, the ‘tech of choice’ for the bedroom musician was something called “software trackers”. I can see a grin of fond memory spreading across some of the faces in the crowd (“FT2” … “Pro Tracker” … “MMedit” …. ring a bell ?), but for the rest of you I’ll give you a very quick run-down. A software tracker (A.K.A “grid-based, sample pattern sequencing program”) was a way of arranging ultra-short snippets of sound (samples) into meaningful compositions. The upside being that the resulting music file would only save a copy of each “sample” once, along with a very simple record of the order (and pitch) at which all the sound snippets were strung together to make the actual song.

Think of it as a very early version of the humble MP3. Just like MP3’s, a lot of the resulting ‘compositions’ were nothing more than simple ‘rips’ of popular commercial tracks, streamlined for quick downloading and music piracy on the (pitifully slow … 3 hours to download a 300kb file @ 2400 baud) pre-internet data networks. However, just like ‘ground-breaking’ hip-hop and electronic musicians + DJ’s such as The Beastie Boys and The Prodigy could with their ‘hardware’ studio gear, some of us used the “tracker” software to produce original tunes. We’d grab samples from far and wide (a drumloop from an old disco record, a single note from a mate’s Juno synth, 5 seconds of dialogue from a 1970’s ‘Blaxploitation’ flick), and … viola … a cheesy 90’s ‘underground’ techno track to share with our mates in Helsinki, via the wonders of Fidonet.

Being in this ‘scene’ for a few years, I think it’s inevitable that everyone starts to build up a ‘collection’ of their favourite samples (sounds), which they tend to use more than others. There’s a whole array of ‘classic’ samples from that era now, like the so-called “Amen Loop” (a drum loop used on a plethora of 90’s break-beat hits), various TB-303 acid-bleeps (coz not every uneployed teenager could afford a 303, even back then when they were still relatively cheap), and so on. Yeah, I’ve got them all, just like every other man and his dog. MY big thing though was dialogue samples. Too much time listening to obscure bands like Cabaret Voltaire, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult & Ministry, and before you knew it I was raiding the bottom shelves of Blockbuster for all the Z-Grade Roger Corman and horror movies with titles like “The Demon Bimbos from Planet X”, just to get my hands on the same original sample sources they used.

This was before the days of DVD as well kids – much harder to get decent sound reproduction when you’re recording at only 16-bits from a vintage early 80’s VHS player using a coax cable and your crappy 90’s (unshielded) soundcard. Just like other groups of “collectors”, my muso friends and I would trade samples between ourselves, try to ‘out-do’ eachother with particularly “good” examples of sampling, etc. To this day, I still remember feeling really cut when one particular mate of mine used a great sample I’d taken from “Return of the Living Dead”

(the line was “I love you, and you’ve got to let me eat your brain”)

in one of his online tracks, before I’d had a chance to use it in a song of my own. It was gold dammit (!) … one I’d sourced entirely myself (instead of being inspired by one of the aforementioned obscure bands). To add insult to injury, he’d only swapped me a bunch of crappy 8-bit 303 sequences for it :-)

I could go on and on about samples like a true obsessive, but as we all know – nothing stays the same, people and technology evolve. I got out of writing music for a few years, then started slowly moving back into the fold. Used samples & trackers again for a while initially, before discovering the newly evolving “modular studio software” technology epitomized (at the time) by “Buzz Composer”. No longer limited to simple samples, instead for a while there I was collecting “Buzz Instrument (and effect) Plugins” – which were basically little bits of independent software code that you could “plug-in” to the Buzz environment to generate sounds in REAL time (like little software versions of physical studio hardware). Buzz plugins are the pre-cursor to today’s VST plugins, basically. I’m not strictly collecting sounds (as such) at this point I guess, but sporadically gathering sound-producing tools.

Finally then we come to the present (or near present) day, when my 10+ year participation in that ‘orrible thing called the “workforce” finally starts to reap measurable ‘rewards’, and therefore my budget for spending on music production gear (not counting electric guitars, effects pedals and four-track recorders … I had THAT shit when I was a teen … over it hehe) actually becomes more than non-existent. Ergo, I finally start buying real music HARDWARE again, instead of just producing with software (and the occasional midi-controller keyboard, like the EVO mentioned in an earlier blog post). I buy my first ‘proper’ hardware synth on Ebay – a venerable 1980’s workhorse called the Korg-Poly 800. Shed-loads of tweakable parameters, lovely 80’s Depeche Mode synth-pop sonic possibilites. Unfortunately, the programming is a bitch (bugger all physical controls, just membrane buttons and lots of scroll menus). The synth comes with oodles of patch programming sheets the previous owner had squirelled obsessively from the ‘net … and

suddenly I’m back to collecting sounds again, but now they’re not samples, they’re rows of LFO settings, VCO routings, and DCO waveforms.

I get rid of the Korg after a few months of fiddling, but the ‘collecting’ bug has well and truly bitten by then. I go through a few bits of gear on ebay (the Korg, an Alesis-SR16 drum machine), lust over some brand new synths (and sounds) while I’m overseas, and eventually settle for a classic 90’s techno BEAST called the Roland Alpha Juno (gotta luuuuurve ebay !). Just like the guy who sold me the Korg, by this point I’m madly downloading patches and sysex editors for my ‘new’ pre-loved synth off the ‘net, the user groups, wherever I can find them. I’m making my own patches (the Juno being easier to program than the Korg), organizing the ones I’ve already got into “sets” … basically obsessing about all the phatt SOUNDS I can get out of this baby.

Some time after THAT, I get my Novation X-Station. Suffice to say, if i was drooling about the sonic possibilities of the Juno, I positively cream my jeans when I get my hands on the X. It’s not actually that easy to find patches/presets (i.e. sounds) for THIS baby on the ‘net, it’s only been out a few years after all … but believe me, I ALWAYS keep an eye out :) I’m so tragic now, I actually publically scoffed at the recent ‘new’ patch-set the manufacturers made available on their website (programmed by the keyboard player from Jamiroquoia supposedly) in one of the bigger user forums because “there aren’t enough NEW sounds in there – we’ve heard most of these patches before”. :)

And THAT, my friends, is my story. YOUR TURN NOW TO FESS UP – WHAT’S YOUR SECRET ‘COLLECTING’ SHAME ? 😉

Listening To: Eternal E : Eazy E

Current Horn Factor :

Horn Factor = Mmm ...

Quote of The Day

hakan I hate it when the girl looks into
hakan the camera during a blow job.
hakan It totally destroys the fourth wall,
hakan which is so very important in a porno flick.

Well, for want of anything better to post this morning, I thought I’d share with you another of our semi-regular peeks at the browsing habits of of your fellow TROYL readers. In other words, here’s a look at some of the more edifying search-phrases people are using to find this site on google et-al …

Big Brother Fans
I’m still getting shitloads of hits from BB fans, although my commentary on this years series was virtually non-existent, apart from some early speculation about my potentially auditioning. To put it in perspective – over the last 3 months I’ve had 1803 hits from search engines. Of those the majority were BB related in some way – 1154 of them in fact ! More often than not, the ‘some way’ relation were sad bastards searching for nude pics of the BB housemates. That’s just tragic. If you’re that desperate, just buy a fucking Ralph magazine fellas. Or Zoo, FHM, NW … take your pic really, coz Krystal has had her tits out just about everywhere !

The only BB searchphrase I’m even going to dignify with a mention this time around (because re-posting them just encourages a vicious google search-cycle) is

saxon jo ashton want my mum

The mental image that conjures up is frightening, isn’t it ? 😉

The Usual Porn & ‘Naughty Celeb’ Addicts
a lesbian with her tongue up another girls arse hole
albanian girls to be spanked
animal sexy fcuk woman photo
ann coulter nyphomaniac
arabian g-string
aussie celebrities uncut photos
aussie pussy
backpacker nude pics
backpacker party sexy photo
backpackers nude at scubar in sydney
backpackers nude pictures
big schlong pictures
big shags
bizarre insertions
blonde dress photo nipple uni
bondi beach topless girls photos
castle hill nude
castle hill nude sex xxx
celebrity movie julie delphie nude
celebrity shags
coogee topless -phone
creative delta goodrem desktops wallpapers
cute asian girl and had sex
czech fuck
denise drysdale breasts
dieter brummer free pics
dieter brummer gay
dieter brummer pictures
dieter brummer semi nude
female celebrities nude pictures
fiona horne – nude
fiona horne free nude pics
fiona horne nude
fiona horne nude photos
fiona horne nude pics
fiona horne photos naked
fucking australian teen girls
fucking housewives sydney
give photos john holmes cocks
holly valance in leather boots
jessica naked pics private website
john holmes cock pics
julie delphie nude
julie delphie photos
mark phillipousis ex girlfriends
mark phillipousis girlfriend
mark phillipousis paris hilton
mark phillipousis tattoo
merv hughes in leather pants
naked cock blog
naked gay white teenage boys showing their dicks with pics
pics of tim patch the penile artist
see my boobies
sex images champagne bottle in my pussy image
sex melbourne
sexy anglo saxon wench
sexy boat pictures
sexy slovak women -johnny
teenage country boys shagging
teens making naughty xxx home videos
uk shags.com

I swear … I still don’t run a prØn site … but I really should, with the amount of traffic I get for delightful search phrases such as the above ! This is only a selection mind you of the kind of shit ‘popping up’ (hehe) in my logs. We had a fair few g-string related ones, the usual backpacker sex addicts, a bunch of people looking for Albanian porn, a whack off … I mean whack of John Holmes hits (what can I say ? I guess word gets around when you’re as well-endowed as a certain blogger *s*), the usual Mark Phillipousis stalkers and a new group of pervs looking for nudie pics of Fiona Horne. Sorry gang … the closest I got was meeting her backstage @ Blackmarket one time when Def-Fx were playing support for Infectious Grooves. I won’t go into the details, but I know for a fact there’s no pictures around 😉 As for the sick puppies wanting photos of Denise Drysdales tits (and Merv Hughes In Leather Pants) – that is really, reaaaaally twisted !

Desperate Horny Fuckheads
backpacker sex
bi curious sydney uni
bisexual desperate housewives
big dick for my girlfriend
bikie porn chicks
circle jerk clubs
horny single milfs
horny teens wanting sex
hot chicks from batemans bay
housewives looking for sex
lonely horny housewives
madamme jobs in bondi junction
melbourne milfs
package pants hand rub together hard bulge mine
parramatta nude massage
parramatta prostitutes
pick up hookers hotels melbourne
sexy teen suadi free video
show me your nude sister
soula xxx video
ulladulla high sexy girls pictures
where to buy scat sex movies sydney
wife swapping
wife swapping clubs
your ex wife
yummie mummie

I really do wonder, ya know gang, how Google ends up directing these people to my site. It’s not like I had an advertisment anywhere up on TROYL saying “Wanted: Madamme To Run High-Class Brothel In Bondi Junction. Essential: At least 3 years experience in a similar role, MYOB or Quickbooks experience, good references. Preferred: The ability to tell the full on crackwhores from the occasional junkies, and turf them out accordingly is a definite plus, as is a willingness to perform oral when needed.” I’m a bit disturbed by the fact some of the peeps visiting this site want me to show them my nude sister as well … especially when you consider I don’t even have a sister ! And don’t get me started on circle jerk clubs …

Chubby Chasers & Bogans
bogans with beanies
chubbies in mini skirts
gay chubby boy
hot milfs in penrith
jennifer tilly fat
knocking on heavens door happy hardcore
malaysia chubby & chaser
met a date while in the mall
nelson bay high school reunion
overweight kiwi
pole dancing classes western suburbs sydney
vs commodore ventilation problem
wog or poofter if you played soccer

Ah, there’s nothin’ like chubbies in miniskirts when you’re walkin’ through Penriff Mall, eh ? Pity you won’t find the solution to VS Commodore ventilation problems here though. In fact, I think this is the first and only time VS Commodores have (and will be) mentioned on TROYL. I don’t have a happy hardcore cover of Knockin on Heavens Door to download for you either, sorry guys. As for thinking only “wogs or poofter”s play soccer … screw you … I played soccer when I was a lad. Oh … wait … I am a wogboy. Damn ! :-)

The Vain & Vacuous
3 wise monkeys tatoo
a bob hairstyle with pokie ends
blonde tan nyphomaniac
botox bondi junction australia
bratz modelling agency
gay recruitment consultant
jessica alba diet and exercise
loreal men expert review
loreal men expert think
loreal men expert tired skin
male model name in loreal men expert
paris hilton and solariums
pornseries hairdresser
princess bitch face syndrome
scaring in solariums
sexy steps to make the guys so horny
solariums at bondi
solariums castle hill
sunbaking pressures to look good
who is loreal men expert male model

You guys know I’m not the model in the Loreal Men Expert commercials, right ? I mean I use the stuff, but don’t come to my site expecting endorsements or pictures of me cavorting shirtless in big tubs of it or anything. I’d like to find a “pornseries hairdresser” though … that would be cool ! I must say I’m curious to know what “princess bitch face syndrome” is as well … no doubt it’s a result of finding “Botox Bondi Junction Australia” :)

Plain Weird
baloons in chatswood
cats pissing remedy
cyborg evo force darwin
dr martens beetroot leisure 14 hole
drink from salma feet tequila dusk till dawn
eat sushi of naked girls
eat sushi off naked women
erotic assimilation borg
friday night live 2006 corgi poo
functional psychopath
from dusk till dawn wine leg foot drink selma hayek
fur coat heat stroke -dog -pig -cat -chinchilla -ferret -rabbit -pet -animals
gripley tools
horny older cougars with cock in their mouths
how to make lift gunpowder
mean girls mind games
mongoose ritual bike reviews from people
nay sydney lesbian web of death
opposite of nyphomaniac
psychopath functional
puberty humour
risingson fetish
young liberals weirdos

There is no puberty humour on this blog. Ever. Really … I’d never make fun of people with pimples, raging hormones and shitty part-time jobs at McDonalds 😉 Corgi poo on the other hand … hehe … what more needs to be said than “corgi poo” really. I think we might be dealing with a few surfers who have a bit of a ‘robot fetish’ as well gang – how else do you explain “cyborg evo force darwin” and “erotic assimilation borg” ? Stay away from TROYL, you sick trekkie android-fuckers !!! *s* Speaking of fetishes, what the hell is a ‘risingson fetish’ ? Is it ‘erotic asphyxiation’ a-la the Sean Connery (“Rising SUN” you morons !) flick of a few years back, or something even wierder ? Tell you one thing … I hope I never get caught in the “Sydney Lesbian Web of Death”, especially by wierdos trying to make “Liftâ„¢ Gunpowder” with “Gripley Tools” !!! And yes …. Young Liberals ARE weirdos :)

Clubbers, Musos & Party People
1 tankstream way sydney
acoustic live unsigned sydney 2006
angel bar merrivale
bungalow 8 club friday night
bungalow 8 photos parties
cheap hipster vinyl pants
clubbin what it means when arse grabbed
clubbing dance moves
cohi bar
dcm nightclub sydney
does bungalow 8 have a dance floor
friday night for the rest of our life
funny life of a clubber
going out in sydney clubbing
goth club prague
goth club prague czech republic
goth sydney shrine
ibitha rave
italian g strings
jai rodriguez nightclubs
jbhifi musical keyboards
leonards tavern
little lost raver
m-audio evolution mk-425c
m-audio oxygen 8 midi controller cheap
m audio uno
midi controller parramatta
music shop parramatta midi controller
neotokyo july 2006 sydney
nightclub bosse sound
nightclub chicks kissing — video samples
nightclub grope
positivo – friday 11 august
positivo pics
rapture gothic sydney club
sam raver software
slipp inn
slipp inn establishment
spanish quarter sydney
sydney cbd nightclubs / 80 s music
tankstream bar
tankstream bar sydney
tankstream nightclub

See, now these are the kind of people I want visiting my site. Clubbers, party people, people who go to pubs … yeah … hang on … ‘nightclub chicks kissing’ … ‘arse grab’ … ‘cheap vinyl pants’ …. damn … too many flashbacks to my teens and early 20’s again ! 😛

That’s it’s y’all, keep it real and have a great weekend !

Listening To: Disposal : Lab Animals

Current Horn Factor :

Horn Factor = Me so hoooorney, me love you long time !

Reuters, London: (Monday, Septemtber 19th) Patrick Bateman, successful Wallstreet broker and serial-killing protagonist of Brett Easton Ellis’ controversial 1991 novel American Psycho may have some real-life counterparts according to a new U.S. study jointly conducted by researchers from Stanford, Carnegie Mellon, and Iowa Universities.

Using a simple investment ‘game’, the researchers tested a group of 41 subjects with average IQ’s, 15 of whom had suffered lesions to areas of the brain associated with controlling emotions. The study found that the emotionally impaired are more willing to gamble for high stakes and that people with brain damage are more likely to make good financial decisions.

In the words of Antione Bechara, one of the scientists from Iowa University, the most successful financial brokers might conceivably be called “functional psychopaths”. Baba Shiv, one of the studies co-authors from the Stanford Graduate School of Business goes further, and claims many high-level executives and top attorneys might share the same emotionally-impared psyches.

In most people, our emotions can lead us to avoid risks, even when the potential benefits far outweigh the losses. According to Shiv however, “there are circumstances in which a naturally occurring emotional response must be inhibited, so that a deliberate and potentially wiser decision can be made”. It’s in these cases that the aformentioned “functional psychopaths” excel – and the high paced world of the financial markets is a perfect example of such a set of circumstances.

It’s not too much of a stretch then to imagine how a “functional psychopath” with inhibited emotional responses such as those identified in the study, might go that one step further and become a fully-fledged killing machine a-lá Pat Bateman.

So girls – next time you’re out on a date with a guy in a nice suit who works at PWC, be careful. If you end up back at his place, excuse yourself and on the way to the bathroom give his fridge the quick once-over for human body parts. Should you find any, you know what to do – run ! Just don’t forget to email him the next day for his take on that hot share tip your friend from HSBC gave you 😉

Listening To: WWIII : KMFDM

Current Horn Factor :

Horn Factor = Oh Gooood ! Kill me now ... my testicles are about to explode !

Allright gang, so I admit the posts this week have been pretty ‘dark’. In an attempt to lighten the mood somewhat for this luvverly Friday (IG gets back tommorrow morning ‘n I get to speak to her tonight … yaaaaay !) I’m going to steal a meme from Mark and enlighten you all with an insight into exactly what some of the influences on DB’s horn-factor scale are …

10 Things that Turn DB On

1. Intelligence.

This doesn’t necessarily mean having a uni degree, although I used to think it did. Street-smarts, the ability to string together coherent sentences, the capacity to think beyond the day-to-day mundanities of job, car & what’s playing on tele tonight; all of these are big turn-ons. Also, she HAS to be a reader. Sorry Victoria Beckham, but I guess this means you and I were never meant to be.

2. Beauty.

Any man who claims good looks aren’t in his Top 10 list of turn-ons is a liar. Not that looks by themselves cut it, but a woman who (a) looks good (b) takes care of her looks and (c) isn’t afraid to make the most of what she’s got – that kind of woman definitely has sexiness-potential !

3. Fashion Sense

A thorough indoctrination in feminist epistemologies meant that for years after graduating I used to vehemently deny the horn-influence a “less is more” attitude can play, whilst secretly wishing my partners would bare more flesh to the world ! I wouldn’t make that mistake anymore – but luckily for moi, IG is not averse to wearing the odd backless top or short skirt on occassion so I’m more than happy ! I’m also a fan of the ‘corporate’ look … and this too, as luck would have it, my fiancé carries off extremely well.

4. Sexy shoes.

Forget women who only ever wear ‘comfortable’, ‘sensible’ and ‘practical’ shoes ! I don’t need that shit in my life. Sure – this probably means I have a mild foot-fetish, but then so do a hell of a lot of guys ! What’s wrong with finding a sexy pair of heels or platforms, red nailpolish and a toe-ring on a shapely pair of peds attractive ? Exactly – absolutely nothing !

5. Positivity.

I don’t mean being happy all the time. People who are happy all the time are fûcking idiots and/or on Prozac. However, any woman who can maintain a positive attitude for the majority of the time and get through the down times without giving in too much to the drama-queen instinct is damned sexy.

6. Life Direction.

Got a job ? Got life-goals, and at least some idea of how you want to get there ? Got a work ethic, without being a total workaholic ? Good … if not, talk to the hand …

7. Good taste in music.

She doesn’t have to like all the same bands as me – in fact difference is encouraged, because it means we can build up eachothers mutual record collections. However, if she’s not into music at all or I can’t stand anything she plays on the car stereo – then Huston, we have a problem …

8. Sense of Fun & Spontanaity.

. . . because it’s damn sexy to be with someone who will say “fuckit, let’s go to the beach !” on Saturday morning when you were expecting to spend the day doing laundry instead ! Sure; a sense of responsibility and purpose is definitely important too, but balancing it with a certain devil-may-care sensibility is essential for tipping the horn-factor towards the higher end of the scale.

9. Creativity.

Think outside the square, have a creative streak in you, and I’ll be bound to try grope you if all the other factors come together ;P

10. Self Confidence.

I’m not talking about being so smug and up yourself that you put Real Estate agents to shame. However, a certain level of self-assurance is assuredly beguiling. As long as you’re comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are without being a pratt, you can indeed be a bit of ‘all that’.

11. Sense of Humour.

OK … so I cheated … it’s eleven things. However, I think possesing a certain level of wit and the ability to not take yourself or life too seriously are also imperative for rockin’ my world. Grumpy bums – sorry, but you don’t do it for me. If you can find my mildy amusing, mostly self deprecating, cynical shit funny .. that’s a big bonus too !

10 Things that Turn DB Off

1. Racism & Xenophobia.

Especially if taken to extremes.

2. Ignorance.

Coz dumb is NOT sexy, and bimbos don’t get MY motor running.

3. Emotional Instability.

Supporting your partner when they need it is one thing. Being a perrenial emotional crutch is quiet another. Get some therapy, and stay the fǔck out of my way.

4. Infidelity.

Coz if you want “the package”, you can’t have your cake and eat it too ! I believe in being faithful to my partner, and I expect nothing less in return.

5. Liberal voters.

… because I definitely don’t need that shit in my life either !

6. Negativity.

Been there, done that. As Denis Leary says “Hey … life sucks … get a fǘcking helmet !”

7. Rampant drug abuse.

I agree with Mark on this one. Drinking is fine … but anything else when you get past your late teens / early twenties – nah screw that, I’m over passing the dutchy on the left-hand side. If you smoke a little weed now and then and everything else clicks I might let it pass with the occasional grumble. But if you’re on first names with your dealer (and by ‘dealer’ I don’t mean the guy at highschool who used to sell to everyone else … I was THAT guy … I mean a grown adult who makes their living distributing narcotics) … sorry, I don’t think we can bump uglies.

8. Laziness.

Think Vesna from BB05. Not sexy, not sexy at all !

9. Excessive body fat.

Sorry, but I ain’t a chubby-chaser and never shall be …

10. Anal Sex / Golden Showers / Scat / Fisting / Object Insertions

“Oh shit, is it that late already ? I’m sorry baby … I gotta go … I’ve got an early start in the morning. Yeah … look … don’t call me, OK ? Like I mean … don’t call me EVER !”

Thas it y’all – have a great weekend, won’t you :)

Listening To: Black Cherry : Goldfrapp

So – in case you haven’t worked it out yet (or you’re not one of our regular readers), I happen to think my partner (the divine IG) is pretty damn cool ! As such, I’m always happy to give the stuff which floats her boat and which I haven’t been exposed to previously at least the one go, if not making it a regular thing for me too. To date among other things, we’ve gone to the Spanish Club to do a bit of latin-dance and I plan on taking classes with her at some point soon when I get my act together. I’ve also accompanied her on several occasions as a spectator when she’s indulged in another of her passions – namely the ancient Japanese (i.e. 1950’s ?) art of Karaoke.

Now you may be thinking “Karaoke … eww… cheese-o-rama !” Yes, it can be. However as Gwyneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis showed in 2000’s Duets … it can also be classy, sexy and downright FUN ! “Sexy” is certainly a phrase I’d associate with IG normally, and this is without a doubt a factor she brings to her singing performances. Not only CAN my baby sing, and sing exceedingly well for all but the hardest numbers or ones she hasn’t tried before, but she also has a great stage presence. Enough of the Lisa-admiration society though … that’s not the primary purpose of this post.

Rather as I’ve already told you, I’m the kinda guy who likes to “give it a go”, especially if it’s something IG is into. Going along merely as a ‘spectator’ just doesn’t cut it, so last weekend after a few glasses of wine and before we went to check out The Eastern in Bondi (a pub we’d never been to previously), I tried my hand at belting out a few tunes along to some of Lisa’s karaoke DVD’s. It was fun, it was hilarious, and we were extremely silly. I had a great time, though in my heart of hearts I *did* just quietly think I kinda sucked. Here’s the boy who’s shamelessly released an EP before. Though I didn’t actually sing on too many tunes on that one, thankgod *s*

Anyhoo … last night rolled around, and Thursday is always karaoke night at a certain Petesham pub IG and I have been frequenting for the purpose. Despite the suckiness of my weekend ‘at-home-performance’, or perhaps because of it, I decided I’d sing a tune or two last night. The last time … nay the ONLY time I’d previously attempted a public karaoke performance was back in 1998, in an Arab-owned Irish Pub in Uppsala, Sweden (try saying THAT three times quickly !). It was a group performance with two drunken lads from Northern Ireland, two Italians and a dude called Barnaby from Boulder Colorado, and I can’t even remember what we sang. ‘Twas one of those crazy ‘lads nights out’ basically.

So it was with a little trepidation that I took the stage – doubled by the inescapable knowledge my partners most recent ex (the only one I occasionally sense a glimmer of nostalgia / regret about) is a semi-professional singer who actually happens to run a karaoke night at Star City Casino, among other places. I know, I know – I think about everything on far too many levels, don’t I groovers ? 😉 Anyhow, my first song was “Knocking on Heavens Door” – the only thing I can still play on guitar, having long since lost the skill to play anything else through years of non-practice. Now I must admit I got a bit of stage fright happening for that first number – leg trying to madly jiggle, trouble focusing on the words on the teleprompter despite knowing them by heart, sweaty palms; the whole thing. Nonetheless, to my surprise I don’t think I sucked too badly, despite it being the Dylan (slower) version instead of the G’n’R cover I’m used to.

After my first mini-ordeal finished, I had to stay on stage to do a duet with IG on “Love Shack”. Feeling a little better this time, still need a drink though. Other people go up next, including a solo or two from my partner, before my next song. I choose “Can You Dig It” by PWEI next … not only because I happen to love the song, but also because I’m interested in seeing what it will sound like karaoke-fied. Awful … I’m having to sing most of the bits which use samples in the original (and damn cool samples too), and the backing beat sounds cheesy instead of funky. Damn … I think that sucked, but mainly because of the song-choice. A few more people go up, then I get called to the stage again. I’m thinking it’s my final choice of the night … Sweet Child O’ Mine … but no, IG has pulled a bit of a shifty on me and put me down to do “Ice Ice Baby”. OMG ! I can’t rap for shit ! :)

I try to roll with it, with IG jumping up on stage to provide back-up dancing. Sweeet *g* I get in maybe one third of the words … ‘rollin in my 5.0 …. Ice Ice Baby’. It’s too fast for me … so I kinda suck again … but I feel strangely good about it all the same. After some more random singers and IG numbers, I finally get called up to do SCOM. My stagefright has almost entirely gone by this point, the leg is only trying to jiggle slightly, palms are dry and I’m not struggling to read the words … in fact I even sneak in a bit of improv on one of the ‘wo oh oh oh’s which noone notices but which gives me a warm inner glow.

The final verdict – yes, I still kinda sucked … but I did have a great time, and given regular practice I hope in due course my suckiness will reach a level where it is only barely perceptible. Guess what ? I’m planning to put that practice in … because now I’ve tried it, I think I shall be at least a semi-regular participant, and not just a spectator.

Proving once again gang, that it never hurts to try something new ! Have a great weekend, I’m off to Greenwood for a ‘boy’s night out’ with one of IG’s mates and some other lads. Let’s just hope there are no fights this time … this is the same guy who punched on with someone outside the Batemans Bay Soldiers Club on the first ‘Summer Bay’ post !

Peace out y’all …

Listening To: My own footsteps : Heading out the door !

So just a few quick questions I’m going to leave you all to ponder over the weekend as I jet the duck out of work on this Friday evening …

Am I weird because at the ripe old age of 28, and with a steady girlfriend I absolutely adore, I still wanna go out and get trashed and party at clubs, instead of ‘settling down’ with a house and mortgage and 2.5 kids ?

Am I bizarre because even at 28 I still don’t know what I really want to do with my life and career, apart from the strong suspicion it definitely isn’t what I’m doing at the moment ?

And most importantly, am I absolutely phukt because I haven’t been updating my blog lately as much as I said I would ? :)

To paraphrase the old Hyundai slogan, “Please consider”. Peace out, have a great weekend y’all, I’m off to the pub to get a $5 meal with my mate Sam !

Listening To: Follow The Leader : Korn

“…he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks an absynthe drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he sings the songs that remind him of the crap times, he sings the songs that remind him of the worst times…” coz I’ve had worse than this, DB you big fekking baby !

So, what are your plans for the weekend, dear readers ? I’ve been a good boy all week, not much in the way of alcohol consumption, but I’m all set to ruin that tonight, let me tell you ! Found out some grimly disturbing news this morning (which I’m not at liberty to discuss), and coupled with my ongoing worry about my girlfriend overseas, this has led me to the inescapable (and oft repeated, but we won’t go into that) conclusion I want … nay NEED … to get out of my own headspace, at least for a little while, via the magic of alcohol.

So basically, my plans for tonight are to ingest as much alcohol as my body can hold, possibly more, and then mosey on down to yet another goth club (“Rapture” @ Rogues) since I didn’t get a satisfying fix of gothness @ Neotokyo last week. In fact, I’m planning on getting so off my tits, if I don’t choke to death in a pool of my own vomit, I’ll be slightly surprised ! The ‘evening’ kicks off at around 2pm when our work Lawn Bowls function commences. I plan on having one or maybe 2 beers there … no more, since I still have to drive home.

Once I *get* home however, around 5 or 6, it’s <ON> for young and old, as I plow my way through a goodly number of absynthe + recharge, and vodka and cokes. If I can still manage to walk 3 hours later, I will be catching the bus into the city, and hopefully shaking my oh-so-gothic arse to some decent ‘old school’ industrial @ Rapture. Hopefully I’ll get home around 5 or 6, and have enough brain-cells left to sensibly fall asleep lying on my stomach, so that any projectile vomit ends up on my sheets only, and not lodged in my throat, blocking my airways.

I know, I know fans … it’s a hard life, but someone has to do it, and that someone might as well be me ! So – what are *your* plans for the weekend ? :)

Listening To: Frequencies Will Move Together : Biftek

You know, ‘Biftek’ is the Czech word for steak. I just thought you should all know that 😉

So my little droogies, what are your plans for this weekend ?

For moi, the next four days will consist of the following, though not neccessarily in this order:

(1) $5 meal with my mate Sam at my favourite pub the whole world (yes, it’s official) – St.Leonards Tavern. Any blog stalkers who feel like coming up to say hi, you’re more than welcome. I’m the Arab man who can push his finger up through his nose and out the socket to displace his glass eye.

(2) Possibly drink a beer or 7 at the above pub, along with some Vodka & Cokes, and then play pool. Or not. Haven’t decided yet. I will not leer at Lychee the barmaid, since I am no longer single AND I strongly suspect she’s a lesbian. Nor will I try to hit on the blonde Canadian one I gave a pre-realease copy of my latest EP to last year – since she doesn’t work there anymore, and as already stated I’m not single anyway !

(3) Attempt to clear some of the moving boxes and other junk out of my bedroom, as I’ve been vainly trying to for the last week. This step is entirely optional, and depends on how much alcohol I consume in step 2 above.

(4) Help IG track down a cheap, quality, digital camera for her impending overseas trip, sometime tommorrow afternoon.

(5) Take IG to my parents (empty) house in Castle Hole, so we can record her vocal demo for her mate’s band, without any annoying distractions or complaining housemates. Again, this is probably gonna happen tommorrow.

(6) BBQ at IG’s friend’s house on Sunday. Yeah … umm … look I swear she’s met some of my friends too ! 😉

(7) Camp out near the Manning Bar at Sydney uni on Sunday night.

(8) Hopefully get to audition for Big Brother at Sydney Uni on Monday ! With sleep deprivation, a sore back, and probably drunk as a skunk because how else am I gonna pass a long night with 10,000 other BB hopefulls – remembering what kind of personalities most of the idiots who audition for ‘Reality TV’ shows are.

Still – it should make for an interesting blog post I’m sure :)

In between all that I’ve got to fit in sleep, sex and food … so it’s gonna be a busy one guys ! *s*

Have a good ‘un, see y’all in Blogland in a day or two !

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